Today, I got my day off to a fairly quick start. I did sleep in again, but I spent less than an hour enjoying my coffee outside this morning. Which is a miracle as not too long ago I was spending 5 or more hours outside in the mornings. Nonstop. It was bad.
I made huge progress today. I got myself a new phone number and a new phone. I did this so I could cut out a toxic person in my life. I no longer have a way to contact him, and he can no longer contact me. Thank God. Although I’ll miss him, it was best for both of us.
After I got my new phone, and then spent hours playing with it, I took my little fur baby for a walk. It may not seem like much, but to those who have faced depression, they know how big an accomplishment this is. I’m proud of myself for having taken him on a walk. Tomorrow, my goal is to take him to the dog park in the morning and then on 3 walks throughout the day. You’re probably wondering about his potty situation if I’m not walking him regularly. Let’s just say, thank god for potty pads. Although, I can no longer deal with them. It’s time to get my shit together!
After our walk, my little partner in crime and I began to tackle the mess that I’m going to call, depression mountain. It’s when you’ve been depressed for so long that literally ALL of your clothes are dirty. You know what I’m talking about. It’s the reason people like to throw around the word, “lazy” and make you feel like you’re completely worthless. I can not tell you how many times I was kicked out of my parents house simply for not doing the laundry. I didn’t care, or I was worthless. That’s what I was told. When, thruthfully, to many people with depression we can measure how bad we’ve gotten by looking at our dirty clothes, depression mountain.
After sitting around on my phone for hours, I wasn’t really motivated to do what I had planned. So, instead I decided to take it easy on myself and start small. Just organizing my clothes made me feel like it’s less of a battle to win. Plus, I’m creating a pile of things I need to get rid of.
Even though I hadn’t done much, I was feeling overwhelmed and the anxiety from that was getting hard to bear. I didn’t even think I’d be able to write this post. I’m still feeling anxious, not totally sure why. Maybe I had too much caffeine, maybe my ADD is in overdrive and I just don’t recognize it.
I took a quick little bubble bath. I say quick because, well, ADD and anxiety? That means not being able to sit still long enough to fully appreciate a bubble bath. It’s quite heartbreaking. But the lavender and chamomile aroma from the handmade bath bomb I ordered did the trick. My mind began to slow down a bit and I was able to write this post as well as a little piece before this one.
After forcing myself to eat some leftover food, I put some rose essential oil in my diffuser to help with the anxiety. Just like lavender, rose is a good calming scent and I love to use it by itself. It makes my home smell like I’m a graceful and delicate human being. But, let’s be real, I’m sure as hell not graceful and delicate anymore. Well, my feelings are delicate.
Finally, to end my day, I put on my favorite comfy clothes. My Arizona Cardinals pj pants and my summer tequila sweater. It says tequila on it. Anyway, they’re the most comfortable things I own so, I threw them on.
I’m ending my night by writing this post, I’ll probably update a couple things on my phone and then head to do part of my night routine. Which, I’ll fill you in on that with a future post.
While in recovery, it’s important to have productive days. It’s equally as important to have days when you just get one thing done. Or, maybe nothing at all. Allow yourself to do what you can in the moment. If you planned to do something and then the time comes and you’re no longer up to it, don’t force yourself. You can tackle it tomorrow or later on that day. Trust me, I’ve been putting stuff off for weeks! Ain’t nobody’s life gonna end because it took you a month to unpack your suitcase. Go at your pace, just make sure you do eventually do what needs to be done. Like, I’ve put off calling about a prescription for a couple weeks, I really need to take care of that come Monday. Remember, some things do have a time limit. Make them priority.
I hope you’re all feeling wonderful and inspired! I hope you all accomplish what you set out to do. Take it a moment at a time.