Make-Up, Uncategorized

Recovery Week Day 4

Just as every morning should begin, I started my day off with judgement glares from the cutest fur baby around. He was not too pleased with his mommy waking up at 7:30am. 

And, of course, as every day should begin as well, I had coffee. Outiside on my patio is where I spend most of my days now that it’s cooler. Seriously, I spend way too much time here. Help. 

As a part of my recovery, I felt it was important to do little things that make me feel better about myself. This included changing into comfortable clothes but, still clothes I wouldn’t be embarrassed in if my apartment caught fire. 

And then I did what any former medicine hater would do, I diffused some essential oils. My go to brand is Young Living, as I believe in their process of making things as pure as can be. 

My morning essential oil go to mixture is 3 drops lemon, 2 drops frankincense. Perfect for getting you energized, awake, and focused. But, the coffee helps as well!

Unfortunately, the very real part of recovery begins here. This is where it’s not all roses and bubble baths. It’s real, it’s a reminder. I’m not going to fucking sugar coat this shit, guys. It’s the worst. 

Every day, I’m reminded by how much I struggled, how deeply I fell. I have shooting pains up my arm. Luckily for me, I have a dog that is just so helpful in the healing process. And take that as sarcastically as possible. Yesterday he was so happy to see me, I mean, can’t blame him. But, he scratched my scar. Blood gushed out and left my scar looking worse than it originally was. I’m getting queezy just thinking about it!!! 

Then, it began to happen. I began to fall back into the deep pit of depression. I could feel it coming on. Negative thought by negative thought it consumed me and I was lost again. 

I wrote a piece on this before this post. Check it out if you want to see the realities of dealing with depression. It’ll haunt you. It haunts me. 

Before I continue on and my story gets better, I want to show you what depression LOOKS likes. It’s expressionless. Emotionless. All consuming hatred for yourself. You stare off into space, you can’t feel a thing. Nothing about this photo is posed, I just reached for my phone and took a selfie of how I look when I’m being overtaken by the monster. 

Eventually, my friends called me and I found the strength to get up and put on my makeup. I may have been feeling SLIGHTLY rebellious when applying that lipstick. That feeling soon passed and I just felt ridiculous. But hey, I looked damn good. 

My day ended with some Netflix watching. But before that began, I got to welcome my beautiful little niece into the world. Say hello to, NovaLee!



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