It’s my favorite holiday, guys! I mean, free candy, neighbors being nice to each other, dressing up, all my favorites! Although, this Halloween is a very important Halloween for me. It’s not only a year anniversary for my sister’s marriage as well as for my best Tennessee friend’s marriage, but it’s an anniversary for me as well. It marks a year after having stood up to my toxic person for the first time.
I could go into detail about what happened, but to be honest most of it is kind of a blur for me. I don’t have any memory of what led up to our fight, but I remember losing my shit. I went crazy. I tore down posters, broke things, straight up hit his ass. After a year of taking emotional abuse, knowing he was talking to other women for months, and just plain controlling my emotions, I had had enough.
That night, I called everyone in my phone. He likes to make it sound like I was just waiting for this to happen. What he doesn’t realize is that I was calling everyone because I was afraid of what I’d do. I was afraid of life without him. I honestly thought I would die if he weren’t in my life. I packed up an over night bag and went to my gay best friend’s house for comfort. He took me on a Walmart adventure and we drank and watched Netflix with his boyfriend. I passed out on their sofa, probably cuddled up with their cat or dog. I didn’t even cry myself to sleep that night, I knew I was strong enough to handle this shit.
Fast forward to today, and you can see just how strong I’ve gotten since last Halloween. I’ve created a healthy relationship with an abuser, I’ve officially cut my toxic ex out of my life, and I’m fighting depression one day at a time.
I didn’t plan this, but it seems quite fitting for today. Today is the day I took a stand to my depression. Once and for all. I’ve created a plan to get me through this week, to slowly build myself back up. As of today, I’m beginning to rebuild myself. I’m keeping the parts of me that I like, and letting go of those parts I don’t like. I’m going to go through the apartment and get rid of any negative things, I’m going to start fresh today. And it’s already been off to a good start.
For the past month, I’ve done absolutely nothing for myself. Nothing to help myself. This morning, I woke up and took my dog on a walk. I started laundry. I wrote this. I’m getting back to life one moment at a time. Kind of like recovery week, but hopefully with better results, I will keep you guys updated on what I’m doing to stand up to my current abuser, depression and myself.
For those of you wondering what I was for Halloween a couple nights ago: