In order to promote self-care and to end the “weak” stigma of seeking professional help, I’m sharing my therapy/psychiatrist sessions with you all. I will leave out things that may be too personal as I do need to set some boundaries. However, I hope this encourages someone to seek help when they are afraid.
Yesterday, I parked my car on the second story of the parking garage at an office building full of doctors and lawyers. I parked in my normal spot, with my car facing the trees outside the garage. With a determined face, I did not sit outside and chain smoke as usual. Therefore, I was about 20 minutes early.
I walked down the garage stairs and across the road to the office building. Inside, me heels made that lovely sound as I walked across the perfectly clean tile floor. I went up to the elevator, walked in, and pressed button number 3. I do this about once a week now, I’ve gotten a routine already.
As I exit the elevator, I walk to the women’s restroom. I wanted to take a selfie today in the full length mirror. My outfit yesterday was an important one. It was the first time in months that I had gotten a little dressed up. Still, my makeup wasn’t done but that’s okay. I put in effort for the first time to wear something that was 100% me. It felt good. I felt confident. It made me smile that I took the time to put together an outfit.
I say in the waiting room and played solitaire for the next 20 minutes. I listened to the receptionists talk about how there will be a patient coming in that will cause a scene. She was running late and could no longer be seen. My heart went out to her when she came in, this woman clearly needed some help. Her daughter was there to stand up for her. Unfortunately, I do not know if she was seen or not. But I hope for the best for her.
My therapist came to get me from the waiting room and I walked into his office. I sat down in my chair, I asked him how he was doing. I know he’s supposed to be asking me that question, but I like to be polite. And, it’s become part of our routine. He then asked me how I was, and I honestly answered, “Today, I’m doing okay. But it has been a rough week.”
We talked about my mom, how she’s invited me to get lunch with her next week. We talked about the guy I was dating, and how my anxiety was being affected. He confirmed that my date had in fact put me in an awkward situation and that I was not just socially awkward, anyone would have been.
He let me know that he’s glad I’m on a new antidepressant. He told me it was his favorite as it not only helps depression but anxiety as well.
He told me to continue dating other guys, to keep getting out of the house.
The one thing that really stuck with me was how he asked about the holidays. How do they affect me? I honestly love the holidays, the thought of families getting together and everything about it is romantic to me. However, I’m single and my family isn’t big on holidays anymore. I tend to get depressed thinking about old memories. He suggested that I do something new this year for each holiday. So, for Thanksgiving my friend and I will be avoiding our families and having a Friendsgiving. I’m not quite sure what to do about Christmas and New Years, yet.
After my appointment I went to Barnes and Noble. I forced myself to eat something before I allowed myself to browse the psychology section. I wanted to get a self help workbook for depression. I did, and I got a book to read about a girl’s experience on medication.
Afterwards, I went to Target and did some mood lifting shopping while I got my prescriptions filled. I didn’t spend as much as I would have normally, and I can chalk that up to everything being Christmas decorations now! Too soon to worry about those. However, I do plan on having my own little Christmas with my dog.
Yesterday, nothing life changing happened at my appointment. And that’s okay. Sometimes it’s just nice to update someone on how your week went and to make sure things are okay. If they’re not, he’ll give me ways to fix it.
This week I will be working in my Anxiety Workbook as well as the Depression Workbook. I’ll update you all on those as I see would be beneficial. Again, got to keep some stuff private. But, I share mostly everything.