I was just sitting on my patio, enjoying the moment. Enjoying the weather. With my cup of coffee and a cigarette in hand, there was nothing to be anxious about. And then, my mind started turning. It started to get to thinking, and it started to tell me that the future is right this very moment.
My mind started racing with ideas for how to make some extra money. Everything from filling out surveys to starting a crowdfunding campaign. But, why? What would I do with that money? I could travel and write about it, I could write a book, the options are endless.
Then anxiety set in, I have to do this all right now. I have to make a plan, this is a really good idea and I have to hold onto it. Then, began the thoughts, “I don’t even know how to get a book published, how much does writing a book cost?” My mind went into shambles trying to figure out the right answers for these things.
As my heart began pounding, a new friend sent me a message. “One day, one day at a time.” I instantly was reminded to breathe and let myself relax. Today may just not be the day I can function and do everything I want to, and that’s okay. I need to focus on today, I need to focus on the moment.
As much as I wish I could say I’m okay right now, I’m not. My mind is still racing and I just told someone new about my mental health issues. Surprisingly, I can write about them all day long but, when I tell someone new I’m overcome with this fear of not being accepted. Just another thing to work on, I guess!