Depression isn’t just a mental illness, it can be physical, too. It starts in your head, but slowly you can feel it taking over your whole body. Suddenly it’s like you weigh twice as much as you did before, there’s no getting away from it.
One of the easier ways to tell if I’m going through a Depressive Episode is to just simply look around. No, I’m not being lazy. No, I’m not messy. I’m actually quite the perfectionist. But when depression is at its strongest, I just don’t care about things. I let things take over my entire life. Everything is a mess.
When depression lifts, you can also feel that physically. You can feel yourself getting lighter. It’s like you suddenly lost all that extra weight you’d been carrying around. All that invisible weight is gone. Sometimes, it’s okay to wait around for that feeling of lightness. For me, this time I couldn’t wait. There was nothing to wait for. So, I chose to actively make my depression leave. It was a struggle, but it worked.
My first step to getting rid of my depression is always to clean. And clean everything. Your living space relflects your state of mind. Therefore, if your mind is a mess, so will your living space be a mess. Instead of wondering which comes first, I decided to make my living space less of a mess.
Everywhere I spent time was a disaster. So, one day I decided to clean my kitchen, then my living room, then my bedroom. Still feeling that depression, I let a few days go by without cleaning. I had a couple rough days where my mind was constantly a mess. It was torture being stuck in that place.
Then, yesterday, I made a choice. Even though I woke up late, I’d still go about my routine as if I had woken up on time. I got up, took my meds, and went on a walk with my fur baby. I started my day out right, and it showed throughout the rest of the day. I set a time limit as to how long I would let myself sit on my patio in the morning, and when the time was up I went inside and started my day.
When I got home, I was still ready to make positive changes. So, I cleaned up my patio a lot. I took out trash, and put my cushions on the chairs. It felt so good to finally have a patio area I’m proud of! With a table! My little Warren is happy about it too, because now I’ll let him outside with me. That’s all he wanted, was to be in the same room as me. I no longer have to see him crying through the window and that makes my heart happy.
I’m now more willing to spend time on my looks, which is good because taking a little extra time to look good definitely helps me feel better about myself. I have a date tonight at a fancy restaurant, I’m excited to be able to take the time to make myself look how I want to. Although, I do wish I had more storage! Or less stuff.
At the end of the day, life goes on. And with life, there is mess. Not everything stays as perfectly as it does in that photo. But, it’s easier to maintain and easier to realize when I need to work on some stuff. Hopefully, I can keep my routine up and keep the depression away. It’s so nice to know that at the current moment I can honestly say, I am not suffering from my depression.