mental health, Uncategorized

When the Sun Sets

When the sun starts to set, the air gets a bit cooler, and everyone is on their way home to relax, this is when my mind goes crazy. 

I become controlled by my thoughts and my feelings, my negative voice grows louder and it gets difficult to ignore. I went shopping today at a craft store. Instead of coming home and working on those projects, I’m fighting an evil monster within my mind. Telling me how I wasted money, I’m not good enough, how none of this is worth it. 

See, about now is when my first ADD medication begins to wear off. I’m at a dose to where I don’t get the deep depression that I used to when I would crash, but it still definitely goes away. And then I’m left with a choice, to take my 2nd ADD medication or to not take it. Sometimes, there is no choice. I have to take it. 

Today is a day where I have to take it. Today is a day where my thoughts are running around like crazy. Everything from what artistic project could I work on to, my depressive and anxious thoughts. There’s no getting around it. 

On the way home, my mind was focused on creating a business plan, building an online business. Then, I went to a craft store and got easily distracted by things I did not need to buy. On my way home, I day dreamed. And now that I’m home, I struggled with the feelings of being lazy, unmotivated, and restless all at the same time. Do I take my medicine? Is it too late in the day? What if it doesn’t work? What will I do with myself if it does work?

My negative thoughts are clouding me. They’re holding me hostage. I’m trying to break free, trying to break free by thinking of creativity. What is simple that I could do to help fight these thoughts? Should I work on the new wood burning kit I got? Maybe I could draw? Oh, I could do some weaving. Better yet, lets do a self portrait photo shoot! 

The creative thoughts are endless. They either help or they drive me further into the negativity. Sometimes, with the right thought, I can pull myself out of this. I might go ahead and try with some photography. God, I hope it helps. 



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