Towards the middle of my day, I started to feel depression creeping back up. My day had been alright so far. But my ADD was causing some panic and that was causing some depression. I was beginning to feel worthless again. I took my Adderall, that seemed to help with all the thoughts. And I got out of my apartment to run an errand that completely changed my day.
When I went to the gas station, they had a sign posted saying that they were hiring for full time positions. Normally, I had been ignoring Now Hiring signs while hiding my face of shame as I walked past. But this time was different, this time I had strength.
I grabbed my coffee and then asked for an application. I immediately went home, filled it out, and took it back in. For the first time in a month I felt truly proud of myself. Finally, I had done something!
I’m super excited because, even if I don’t get this job, I made progress. A couple weeks ago if I saw that sign? I would have hung my head down in shame and thought I would get too overwhelmed to handle such a job. Any job.
This shows the progress I’m making in recovery. Today, I’ve had it shown to me that there is still more work to be done however, I have still come a long way. I have finally made it to a point where thinking about a job, even just this one, doesn’t throw me into panic.
I pray I get this job. It’s so close to home I can let my dog out on breaks. It’s already a place I consider part of my comfort zone. And the people I have met there are all very nice. But even if I don’t get it, at least I took a chance. At least I took a step forward and was confident enough in myself to give it a try.
I’m almost ready to get my life back. I’m almost ready to start living again. To have a job again, would be such an accomplishment. I can’t believe I finally took a step for my future.
I’m hanging onto this feeling for as long as I possibly can.
It feels so magical when you finally stand up for yourself and say, “I could do this.” And then take action toward that statement. After so long of feeling worthless, it’s good to feel I can make it back one day.