I know my life purpose. To inspire and to be happy. That’s it, that’s all I truly want in this world. I’ve always wanted to be a light in the darkness, and I’ve always wanted to be happy.
I’m still working on the happy part. I have my moments of joy, but I’m working to keep them more constant.
Although, inspiring others. I’ve gotten a good running start on that one. Some of my pieces I’ve written have reached over 1,000 lost hearts. While I’m struggling with self harm and depression, I’m able to show others that there is hope. I’m able to inspire others to talk. I don’t know exactly where my inspiring path will take me, but I’m going to trust it.
Although, there’s a major road block in this path that I can’t ignore for much longer. My actions to not match my words. I need to be better about that.
I’m still struggling, and that part is okay. But I’m not doing the best I can to help myself, that part is not okay.
One day, I had a conversation with a friend about why she shouldn’t self harm, and then I went and self harmed. How can I expect my words to matter if I don’t believe them true for myself? This is something I need to work on.
I’ve always been 100% honest with you all. I’ve only held one thing back and that is because I believe it’s not yet time to tell that story. But, I’ve still let y’all know what happened, for the most part.
I’m overwhelmed by having nothing to overwhelm me. Seriously, I’m overwhelmed by staying in one place too long. I’m stuck, and I need help. I need help getting out of this place. How do I move forward? What do I have to do?
It feels like I have all the time in the world to sign up for classes, it feels like forever before they start. It feels like I have an endless amount of time to get anything important done. But, deep down, I know that’s not true. I need to work on some things. Timing and other things. Hopefully I’ll be able to make the next step soon, hopefully I’ll be able to get past this fear of the future. This fear of being okay again.