Either the Starbucks barista didn’t make my coffee decaf, or an iced white mocha has a shit ton of sugar in it! Either way, I’m sitting here shaking, happy as can be. Well, happy as can be while trying to fight off my afternoon depression.
Turns out, my psychiatrist believes that my afternoon depression is coming from my ADD medication. Once it wears off, I find myself finding life meaningless and pointless. I find myself lonely and sad. I’m not this way during the day, so I’m not too sure what else it may be. But, I’d like to focus on the good things in my life at the moment.
I’m drawing again. Not because I’m depressed or fighting off abusive thoughts, but because I’m connecting to my emotions. I’ve found this to be a good exercise to do when I’m starting to feel that afternoon depression start to sink in. I can either acknowledge it, and draw to display my numb feeling. Or, I can try and reconnect to feelings of love, happiness, and joy that I felt earlier in the day. Usually when I do that, it ends up being of coffee mugs and our hands.
Another good thing to happen, is how I’ve been blessed. I get to call this wonderful man my boyfriend. I’m so incredibly lucky. He can make me smile like no other, and he cares about me more than anyone else I’ve known. It hasn’t been long, but he’s been one of the greatest men I’ve known in my life. I couldn’t be more grateful.
Life goes on while you’re fighting depression. My best friend had a baby, one you can’t see because my head is in the way. I get to call these two women my sisters. I’m so thankful they’ve stuck by my side through everything. The ups and downs of finding the right medication, supporting me through each diagnosis, and loving me unconditionally. They are my inspiration. They are my family.
Through everything I’ve been experiencing, I’ve been blessed at each step. I’ve been given exactly what I’ve needed to survive. I’ve been given love and support, passion, and kindness. Even during those moments when I felt I wouldn’t survive the night, I was blessed with strength to hang onto life just one more day. And I’m proud to say that I’ve finally gotten the courage to start applying for jobs again. Something part time, sure, but still a step in the right direction.
Thank you to all of my readers and followers, those who have commented along my journey. I’m excited to see what lies ahead, and I hope to keep inspiring and showing you that you’re not alone. This blog is the best thing in my life and has given me so much joy. I’m so grateful for having started to share my story, and I’m grateful for all of those who’ve been reading along.