What was going to be a blog post about how to, basically get off your ass and be productive, has turned into something different. It’s turned into a realization that I’m not simply getting off my ass out of my own control, no. I’m doing these things because I’m experiencing a hypomania phase or state. For the first time, I’m aware while it is happening.
I can tell you the exact moment it started. Saturday night, after dropping my boyfriend off at his house. I came home and began cleaning. Normally, I fall into depression at night. But not this time. This time, I kept on cleaning well after the sun went down. I usually stop doing anything after the sun goes down. Hell, I usually don’t do anything to begin with because if I’m alone, what’s the point?
I guess I knew this was happening from the moment it started. I warned my parents that I might be going through a hypomania phase. And now that it’s been 3 days, I say it’s safe to assume that’s what’s happening.
Just like depression, there are good days and bad days to hypomania. Hypomania is basically a mild form of a manic episode experienced by those with Bipolar 1. I have Bipolar ll, which means I experience deep depression, but my mania state isn’t as drastic as Bipolar 1. In fact, many times with Bipolar ll a hypomania phase goes easily unnoticed as it’s like the person is acting “normal.” But to us, it’s not so normal.
We’re constantly in shock by the things we accomplish. Two loads of laundry? In one day? Without dreading it? Looking forward to doing the dishes? Planning on actually cooking a meal? What is this? Who am I? I like this me.
But, I also don’t like this me. This me likes risks, she likes spending money. She likes destroying her life and making rash choices. She enjoys drinking alcohol or getting stoned. She wants to go on spontaneous adventures (which I do love) at any cost. Literally, last $20? Perfect amount for a trip to Sedona!
Today, I’ve found that meditation actually helps slow down the thoughts. It helped my restless legs become calm. I felt a sense of peace from my core that has lingered on. It’s something I hope to continue to do more often.
Whatever phase or state you’re in. Even if you’re a normal person, enjoy the life around you. Smile because you’re breathing. Don’t take life for granted, be grateful for all you have and do.