For me, the scariest time to be alone is at night. Not because of the monsters under my bed, but because of the monsters that live in my head. They tend to be easier to ignore during the day. However, last night they wanted to come out to play.
It started out innocent, being upset that I didn’t do the things I wanted to get done last night. But, when I went to bed things changed. It was my first night sleeping alone in a week. And I couldn’t fall asleep.
Earlier, I had tried to write a couple pieces on my addictions to self harm. The rest of the night was spent fighting off the urge to give into those addictions. I wanted so badly to just let them take over and control me, but I fought. I fought hard. I laid there for hours thinking about what it’d be like to release some emotion in those unhealthy ways. I maybe got a total of an hour or two of sleep last night.
I laid there awake, 11pm, 1am, 3am, 5am.
With every morning comes hope, though. I woke up to my fur baby cuddling with me. I woke up to find my boyfriend isn’t working today, and I woke up to find that I had been strong enough to say no to those temptations.
No matter what you must do, wait. Tell yourself you’ll do it in the morning. Wait until the morning. Chances are, they’ll pass. One day, they’ll pass.