mental health, Uncategorized

Today, I’m Kicking My Own Ass.

As always when waking up to a hot man in your bed, I woke up in a great mood. I was super sleepy this morning when the alarm went off at 5am. I turned over and kissed my boyfriend on the cheek as I always do. Then, he once again had to literally drag me out of bed. I’m serious, he sits up and pulls me up, then slowly starts pushing me to the edge of the bed. The process usually takes about 20 minutes. I’m a lucky girl. 

On our way to his house, or closet at this point, he asked me what I was going to do today. “I don’t know, nothing.” And then I thought about it, “Well, maybe laundry and clean up a bit. Maybe I’ll go to a coffee shop today!” It was then that I decided I’d have a good day, no matter what!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I know how easy it is to roll your eyes when you have a mental illness and someone says, “choose to be happy!” Look, I get it. I’d slap the shit out of them, too. But hear me out, cause this shit actually is working for me today. And I hope it can help you. 

This morning, it was easy to start cleaning. I was fueled by caffeine and the sunrise. All was well. And then, came time to clean my bedroom. This is when the ambition faded. I am so dreading cleaning my bedroom, if I’m being honest. As soon as my mood took a slight turn downhill, there was no stopping it. I tried to draw, I forced myself to finish at least one load of laundry, and I gave myself pep talks. I even allowed myself to take a nap while I waited for my laundry to dry. I was trying my best to take care of myself, but my mood just kept going down. 

So, I took my afternoon medicine a little early. Hopefully this won’t totally fuck up my evening, but I should be fine. What my medicine is for is to help soften the crash of my earlier medication. Awesome, right? Yeah, not at all, I know. 

Anyway, after taking my medication I was still feeling frustrated. My biggest problem are the thoughts that begin to take over. So many racing thoughts, such a long to do list being added to mentally. It’s ridiculous, torturous, and painful. I was getting so frustrated, and I started to feel sorry for myself again. That’s when it hit me, I need to do something in order to keep today a good day. 

I found strength in being fed up. See, when you say it’ll be a good day, then do nothing about making it one, it won’t be a good day. You have to put action to your words. That’s what I learned today. I got off my ass, put on a sports bra, loose sweater, and some boho loose pants and got on my yoga mat. Before I did anything, I created a little calming space real quick. I moved my little succulent plant over to where I could see it, opened a window, and had some lavender essential oil in the diffuser. I was ready. 

I finished my yoga practice, and didn’t get mad when my data crapped out on me and I didn’t get the last 5 minutes of the yoga video. After my yoga, I took my dog on a walk and remembered some things. Like, my New Years resolutions. One of them is to remember to walk with my head up, which I wasn’t doing at first. You can really tell the difference. I feel happier, more alive and myself when I walk with my head held high. It’s a nice feeling. Try it!

Now, I’m waiting on some paint to dry while I sit outside and write this. My mood is lifted quite a bit, but I know I’m going to have to continually work at it to keep it that way. Through positive thoughts, actions, and putting a jacket on ’cause it’s damn cold outside. 

I hope this helps at least one of you. 



2 thoughts on “Today, I’m Kicking My Own Ass.”

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