Thank you. Damn, I put you guys through a lot sometimes. But you’re always there, and you always think I’m worth it. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your support, kindness, love, and acceptance.
Lately, it’s been yet another roller coaster that I’m on. Starting my days off as high and happy as can be, and ending them low with a crash into anxiety. Some days aren’t so bad because my lovely boyfriend comes over, but last night I had the apartment to myself. I was free to let all the emotions go.
I didn’t self harm this time, thankfully. But you were all there for me when I reached out to you. In the middle of an anxiety attack, you picked up the phone before the second ring. You instantly asked, with urgency in your voice, “what’s going on?” You heard my tears, you felt my pain. Just talking with you calmed me down enough to realize I need to get off of my medication. Just hearing your voice made me realize I am not alone.
As you began to research for me, I got a phone call back from my parents. My mom talked with me, then abruptly handed the phone off to my dad when the tears began to fall again. Overwhelmed with guilt and shame, I tried my best to explain what was going on in my mind. My parents agreed with the new plan to get off medication. My dad was willing to hear me out when I told him I’d need financial help again this month. Oh, how I tried to keep from spending.
You all never judge me, never put me down, and never place blame on me. You kick me in the ass when I can’t do it myself. You give me reason to be better. You show up with comfort and willingness to eat tacos with me. You offer me help, you offer me peace.
Without you all, I don’t know where I’d be. At best, I’d be in the hospital. At worst, well, I don’t want to think about that.
So, thank you all for being by my side. Thank you for caring when I feel like I don’t deserve it. Thank you for everything you do.