When Life Gets To Be Too Much

I get that life happens, things change and the good and bad come and go. Accepting that reality doesn’t always make it easier to deal with, though. 

As someone with many mental illnesses, I get overwhelmed easily. Hell, I can get overwhelmed not doing a damn thing! So, just imagine how life is when everything changes. A lot of the time, these changes trigger mania or depression for me. Right now, I’m going through some big changes. I’m not quite sure if these changes will trigger anything, but I can feel the overwhelmingness of it all. 

No longer am I a single, independent woman with her tiny dog. No, now my boyfriend is moving in this week and we adopted a dog a couple days ago. So, now I’ll be living in my one bedroom apartment with a man and two dogs. So, basically I have three living, breathing things I have to take care of. That’s a lot of responsibility. 

Granted, my boyfriend can damn well take care of himself. But, being the woman I am, I don’t believe he has to do it himself anymore. And neither do I. It’s now our responsibility to take care of each other. And the dogs.

It’s not “just another dog” for me. It’s another responsibility since I’m the one that’ll be home with him most of the time. On top of that, I could barely take care of the dog that I already had. So, it’s going to take some work. 

I like to get one thing done before starting another. At least big things. So, now that I have another dog to take care of I’m also now struggling to finish what I had started. Making my apartment livable again for my boyfriend and I. I was in the process of redecorating and organizing everything. Now, it’s all still chaos. And I don’t have the brain power to handle it. 

I’ve taken two naps today, not because I’m tired or depressed but, because I don’t want to deal with anything. I can’t deal with anything. My mind is still processing the fact that all of this is happening. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t prepare myself. 

I want so badly to get up and continue cleaning. But, it’s so hard to get started again. I want to get back in a routine, but when will I have the ability to sit down and process what I need to do? I just can’t seem to focus, I’ve become so distracted by this damn dog that I can’t function. 

It’s not the dog’s fault. I love having him here, it’s just how my brain is handling it all. 

I can’t wait until my boyfriend comes home from work and I can just sit down and be with him. Sure, I’ll feel guilty if I didn’t accomplish anything but hey, it’s good training for him for when I do get depressed. It’s a little peak into what to expect, I guess.



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