I’m sitting outside finally relaxing and thinking clearly for the first time today. It’s 1pm and I have been going crazy since I woke up this morning. I woke up with an attitude, something unusual when my boyfriend wakes me up. I noticed I was extra sarcastic this morning and couldn’t focus on much. I was exhausted.
Since I got home from taking my boyfriend to work, I’ve napped, eaten junk, started a new painting project, and took a bath. All while my hands were shaking and my vision getting blurry each time I moved. I felt this uncontrollable anxiousness throughout my body. It was driving me crazy, it was the only thing I could focus on.
I broke down around noon and took some of my usual medication. My new psychiatrist had taken me off most of my medicine, including what I took today. She wanted me to quit it all cold turkey, and the sensations it left me with were miserable. Last night, I could barely function.
Feeling this way and being alone is difficult, there’s no one to pick up the slack, no one to comfort you. I’m trying my best to remain strong.
- I might have borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar disorder.
- I’m off most of my medications
- I have to start a new medication
- I have to start supplements
- I have to begin DBT therapy.