Some days recovery from depression looks like false eyelashes, high heels, and getting shit done. Other days, it looks like curling up in a ball on the floor, tears of mascara falling down your face, and desperately seeking answers and inspiration in your favorite books and tv shows.
Yesterday, was false eyelashes. Today, was curling up on the floor. Yeah, that’s right. I hit my knees, lowered my head, and asked God to just help me as tears rolled down my face. I couldn’t find a book I wanted to read, I couldn’t write, I couldn’t find Breakfast at Tiffany’s, the dogs were fighting, and people upstairs sounded like they were about to tear down the damn place! Of course I cried! I had control over nothing.
Then, by some miracle, I was able to watch Netflix on my phone and, of course, chose the lovely Gilmore Girls as my place of escape. Nothing inspires me more than traveling to Stars Hallow and being reminded that life is a mess. But, there’s humor in everything. And coffee.
I was watching one of the new episodes, one where Rory takes an unpaid job at the Stars Hallow Gazette. It was enough inspiration to get me out of bed and out onto my patio to write this.
I’m where I need to be at the moment. As much as I want a “normal life” I know I couldn’t handle one right now. Just the dogs barking and people being loud upstairs is enough to make me cry. And that’s okay. Because right now, I’m growing. There will be something to learn from all of this. There will be something I can look back and say, I’m thankful for the time off I took.
My biggest challenge right now is to not run away. All I want to do is pack my bags and get on a plane. Travel, escape my life. But, I know that’s not possible. It’s not where I need to be at the moment. For some reason, I need to be here at home. I need to be writing my stories and celebrating the life I’ve lived thus far.
One day, I’ll have a job. One day, I’ll have a family. One day, just one day. But I can’t handle all that right now. And that’s okay. It’s okay. It’s all okay.