Many of us can be very hard on ourselves for having depression. I thought I was fighting when really, I was just putting myself down. Things went through my head like, “why can’t you just get off your ass and do something? What’s wrong with you, you’re lazy.”
It was more than a week of this thinking driving me crazy. I was moody and irritable and just not pleasant at all.
Then, I realized, it’s all okay. Depression is something that happens to me. Whether it be because of medication change or because of cycling depression, it happens. I needed to accept that. And by doing that, I was able to lower my expectations of myself.
My new goals are to get ready for the day, and to do at least one thing that needs to be done. Whether it’s call and make an appointment sooner with my psychiatrist, or something as simple as clean off the table. Just one thing.
Yesterday, by lowering my expectations and accepting that I just don’t have it in me right now to do the things I want, I was actually able to do the dishes and to finally hang up some of my photography. I was so happy I did these things and even though I had a rough day, that happiness carried over to when my boyfriend got home.
Today, my Acceptance looks like a nap, some writing, and lots of coffee. Maybe I’ll take a bath or shower. Who knows. But, I’m not going to be down on myself for not being able to do the things I want. Because they’ll come in time.