mental health, Uncategorized

I Will Survive


Today is Friday. Just one more day until I’m not alone all day. I just have to survive today. And I can do it. You can do it, too. 

I know what it’s like to feel depression slipping back into your life. It’s like you’re walking along a flat surface then, all of a sudden, there’s a cliff and you stop. Toes right on the edge. You look down and you see the familiar dark pit of depression. You don’t want to fall, falling is the scariest part because you’re still there. You know once you fall, it’ll be a hard landing but, there’s pillows and blankets down there to comfort you once you get the strength to crawl over to them. Although, those pillows and blankets end up chaining you down and you can’t move. It’s comforting, yet, uncomfortable. It’s an odd combination. You never know when you’ll be able to escape those chains, and you don’t want to go through that again. 

So, you stand there, tears flowing down your face. Your friend is standing at a distance, telling you, “focus on the other side, make a path around the pit.” But, you can’t see the other side and that scares you even more. You’re more tempted to just fall because, at least you know it’s there. Who knows what lies on the other side? But, maybe that’s where faith comes in. 

You’ll sit down, hang your legs over the edge and wait. Filling your time up with your favorite tv shows and food. Maybe a few cigarettes because you’re still a little scared. Eventually, your significant other will walk up to you and sit with you. Holding your hand. But, they can’t move you. They can’t keep you from falling, and they may sit there and watch as you fall. 

Or maybe, just maybe, you’ll have the strength to stand up and they’ll stand up with you. Still holding on. And you’ll both begin to walk along the edge until you find the end. It may take a day, it may take weeks, but you’ll find it. You may even have to sit down and rest, hanging your feet over the edge again. They may have to walk away to take care of themselves, but they’ll be back. Some parts you may even have to walk alone. You’ll be okay. 

I’m going to have faith. Have faith that on the other side of this pit lies flowers and sunshine. Roses for miles. Trees so tall they bring all the shade you could need. I’m going to be dreaming of this place, knowing that one day I’ll make it there. Whether I have to walk around the pit, or climb back out of it, I’ll make it there. 

-Liz

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