Spanish music, hammers, saws, people yelling in Spanish, loud bangs, and the sudden need for a churro. That’s what my anxiety sounds like. Except, it’s in English because I don’t speak any other language, and there’s not really any music, just noise. Banging and screeching and yelling, and the need for churros. That’s my anxiety. I just really want a churro right now. Or some fried ice cream. I need tacos.
Anyway, my anxiety had me down for the count this morning. Sure, I looked put together, but I was falling apart on the inside. I couldn’t hold myself together. I was rocking back and forth, I was crying, I couldn’t function. Why? Because I had no idea how I was going to find another apartment to live in by May.
I got scared, I was no longer in control of myself. I couldn’t do anything, it was like something outside of me was keeping me from doing anything but breathe. I was dying inside. I had no faith, I had no hope. I couldn’t imagine ever seeing things looking up again.
In reality, we have plenty of time to find a place. There are plenty of resources to help us. My best friend even found someone who helps with apartment searching. I’m calling him back later with the details of our unique situation. Things are looking up right now.
I guess I’m just in that moment where things are just too good to be true. I’m happy, genuinely happy and I keep finding things to be anxious about. Apartment hunting, future school, the giant pimple on my face. Whatever it is, big or small, I will worry about it.
Hopefully this season of anxiousness will pass and I will be able to enjoy the beautiful things I have in my life. I have so much to be grateful for. I have faith in God that things will work out. He brought me my man, He can bring us a roof over our heads. He will take care of us and that’s just something I need to have faith in.