Has anyone seen me? Because I can’t seem to find myself anymore.
I don’t know if this is due to being on the wrong medication, a Depressive Episode, or maybe just a lot of stress and anxiety. Whatever it is, it’s stolen me from myself and I can’t get back.
I used to enjoy things like doing my makeup, now I can’t bear the thought of it. Anything I want to do is seen as pointless because it’ll never be “good enough.” I can’t get this thinking out of my head, and it’s killing me inside.
To top it all off, it’s made my self esteem take a huge dive. I can’t help but think I’m the ugliest thing out there. I can’t help but feel gross and pathetic. I keep comparing myself to all those women on Pinterest and Instagram, as if anyone can actually look like that all the time.
Yesterday, someone told me they were proud of me, that I’m inspiring. I just wanted to tell them that they messaged the wrong girl, I’m worthy of neither of those compliments. I mean, have you seen my kitchen? What about the bathroom? I’m not worthy of anything.
I’m stuck. I’m stuck in this negative thinking trap and I can’t get out. I don’t know which way to go. Do I turn to my self help books? Do I turn to yoga? How do I get back out of this?
Thankfully, I have a therapy appointment today. Hopefully it’ll help some. But, the real help comes not until the 22nd. It seems so far away, but I’ll make it there. I’m sure of it.
Until then, I’ll keep fighting to stay strong. I will win this battle, I will find my way around the dark pit of depression.