In keeping with stay truthful and honest, I have some news for my readers about my mental health condition.
Currently, I am stable and thinking clearly. However, this was not the case as of yesterday and has not been the case since Monday. This is just a lull, a calm in the middle of the storm. And while I am grateful for the break, I know this is still to be taken seriously.
As many of you know, I have not been able to function nor think clearly. I have been struggling with my self esteem greatly. Yesterday, I looked at myself in the mirror and was so full of hate and disgust that it turned to rage and I hit the bathroom counter so hard that my hand hurt even as I fell asleep last night. I was in pain all day.
I’ve been struggling greatly with feelings of worthlessness and anger. This is believed to be a depression caused by chemical issues as I’ve had my medication changed. I do not have anything currently treating my depression.
So, to update you all, I will be headed to the hospital either tomorrow or Saturday. My doctor is currently on vacation and so my only option for help is the emergency room. I’m only waiting because I feel I am able to control myself for another day or so.
In the meantime, I will be trying to keep myself busy doing projects and keeping in touch with close friends and family.
I want to make it clear, while I am terrified of having to go to the hospital, it does not make me weak. It makes me stronger to accept that I need help. Do not be afraid to seek help and reach out if you are not doing well. Save yourself.