I’ve had it thrown in my face a lot that “I need help” or, “you belong in the mental hospital.” These insults have kept me from getting the help I’ve needed for years. Actually, for most of my life. And today, I have to try and silence those insults as I drive to the hospital to get treatment.
I’m not going to a mental health hospital as the ones around here are inpatient only. I’m going to be going to the regular hospital in hopes they can get me back on the right medication.
Ever since I was taken off of stimulants since it turns out I don’t actually have ADD, my depression has been slipping back into my life. I noticed it, but one weekend I ignored it. And now, here I am.
Yesterday, and so far today, haven’t been very bad. I think it’s because I know I’m going to be getting the help I need. But the days before, they were hell. I had never before completely lost myself until this week. When I looked in the mirror, I couldn’t see me. I only saw hatred and disgust. I hit the bathroom counter with so much force that my hand hurt the next day. I was losing control of me.
My therapist wanted me to get in contact with my psychiatrist but, she’s on a vacation. So, my only option is the hospital. Who knows if they’ll even be able to help me. Hopefully they will.
I’m scared, but I’ve got my boyfriend by my side. He will stand by me every step of the way. I know this.
I will be strong for myself today. I will be strong for others today. I’ll be keeping everyone updated on my Instagram account, living.positivelywild