“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
One thing I’ve recently found, and by that I mean just now, is that you don’t have to create a life that looks beautiful before it becomes beautiful.
I’ve spent so much time over the last two years trying to have the picture perfect home or room or apartment. I kept thinking in my mind that my life would not be beautiful until my living space looked like Pinterest threw up all over the damn place. And that’s simply not true.
And now that I’m thinking about it, how did this thought process even begin? I grew up in a home that was cluttered, yet my mom agonized over it. Eventually, it got to the point that if I had made a mess, I would get kicked out of the house. This was due to me starting things and taking my sweet time to finish them. I get that it’s annoying, but to kick someone out over dirty laundry? It was ridiculous.
But, as I sit here on my messy patio, I begin to realize that this shit doesn’t matter. Sure, there needs to be a level of cleanliness that is constantly reached, and I’ve definitely fallen below that level before, but it’s not everything. I don’t have to have the perfect patio to be happy, I have to be happy and then I’ll have the perfect patio.
I’ve come a long way, though. My patio used to be covered in nothing but cigarette ash and cigarette butts. My readers who have been with me for a while can probably recall those images. But now, it’s fairly clean. Just a little cluttered. I’ve got hand me down chairs with cushions that don’t fit, a giant comforter on the ground (my boyfriend’s idea of a dog bed), and a corner full of painting supplies. Oh, I forgot, my foot stool with countless books and sewing supplies stacked on top. I really need to finish that pillow.
It’s a mess now because it’s so small, and because of the comforter that is secretly driving me insane. My cigarette ash is still sometimes an issue, but for the most part I have a little table that takes most of the mess. Mostly empty packs. I really need a trash can out here. I’m lazy as fuck.
But what I’m getting at is simple. I didn’t clean my patio and then I felt happier, not at all. I felt happier and then began to clean my patio. My patio kind of reflects my mind. When I’m happy, it’s clean. When I’m a mess, it’s a mess. It’s where I spend the majority of my time. Of course it’s going to reflect how I’m feeling. Everything I do reflects how I feel.
We can’t have a beautiful life with a fucked up mind. If you think, this place is a disaster, chances are, it’ll remain a disaster. Who wants to clean up a disaster? That just does not sound like fun. But, if you see the beauty beneath, you’ll want to make it beautiful again.
Beauty comes through the mud. It comes out of those dark places, those gross places. We can’t have beauty without it. What’s beautiful but covered in dirt? Flowers. I just felt like throwing that in there, not quiet sure where I was going with that. I’ve had too much caffeine.
What was I talking about?
Right, can’t have a beautiful life with a fucked up mind.
Start catching what you tell yourself. You keep telling yourself you can’t cook, you probably won’t (I’ve been refusing to cook based on the false belief that I can’t). Keep telling yourself you’ll never make it, you probably won’t.
Actions begin with the positive things you tell yourself. Tell yourself you can cook, and I bet you can! Even if it’s totally burnt and tastes like dirt, you did actually cook. Try telling yourself you CAN do things. Trust me here, I’m talking to myself just as much as I’m talking to you. I need to start telling myself I can do things. I can have a successful blog, I can learn about new things, I can pass that math class I eventually have to suffer through. See? There I go with the negative talk! I do it all the time, too.
So, what’s something you want to start telling yourself? What’s something you notice gets more beautiful the happier you are? Even if it doesn’t change physically a bit, you just kinda start seeing it as something beautiful.
Let me know your thoughts in the comments! They make my day!
P.s. Sorry if this post was a little bit everywhere, again, too much coffee.