The past few days, well, they’ve been perfect. Something in me had changed and I was doing things and being productive and enjoying life. The greatest of all was that I was insanely happy. And it showed.
Today, it’s a different story. Sure, I did the dishes and took a shower, but I also took a three hour nap. And haven’t done shit since.
This gets me curious. How can I make such a drastic change overnight? More importantly, how do I keep myself from falling back down?
I believe the change began when my doctor noticed that I was doing better without me having to say a word. Doing better scares me. What will I do if I’m not sitting around worried about my mental illness all day? This has become who I am, I let it become my identity.
Now, how I stop this seems simple. I get my ass up and doing things again. But, it’s not so simple. It’s painful, it’s hard. Getting started is one of the hardest things I’ve done. But I can do it, I just need to remind myself of that.