Baby steps are great when you have depression. “All I have to do today is shower and everyone will be proud of me!” But, when depression starts to back off and you find yourself able to do more, those baby steps get harder and more frustrating.
Instead of taking a shower and then crawling back into bed, I have to take a shower and then stay out of bed, all day. What the fuck kind of deal is this? I start to feel better and the suddenly the house chores are my responsibility? It’s like being punished for getting better!
That’s not the case though. Your reward for getting better is the satisfaction that comes with having completed something important! Like today, I’m doing laundry all damn day long. One after the other. And slowly, our bedroom is starting to feel like less of a depressed person’s hideaway and more of a room two people actually live healthy lives in. One step at a time. One load of laundry at a time.
I hid nothing from you so, here’s what our bedroom looks like AFTER separating the laundry and taking one load downstairs. It’s still quite the mess, but it actually looks so much better than before. When you’re moving, things can become an out of control mess quicker than ever. It’s ridiculous.
So, in dealing with my recovery, I have to take those lovely baby steps. When I’m fully recovered, I’d be able to clean the whole house today, no problem. But, I’m not there yet so I have to take it one thing at a time. Today, my goal is to clean the bedroom and bathroom, they’re attached to each other so it only makes sense to clean both.
Tomorrow, I’ll set a goal for another room.
Be patient with yourself in recovery, do the best you can and take as many breaks you need. It’ll get done, it may take a while, but it will be done.