It’s a strange feeling, being depressed. Well, not too strange, considering I’m very used to it by now. But, there’s one feeling that comes along with depression that I will never understand. Knowing you care about something, but not feeling it in your heart.
Now, I’m not sure if it’s exactly from the depression or if it’s from me blocking out things that could possibly hurt me, but it’s still extremely confusing. It’s like, I care about my relationship, I care about my animals, but I can’t find any motivation to do something about that, to take action.
Take my plants, for example. I spent over $100 on plants and things to put them in and soil. I picked each one out carefully, and loved them, until I got home. It’s like as soon as I got home someone flipped a switch and I no longer felt like I cared about them. Most of them have died as I didn’t water them for weeks, one is hanging on for dear life. My boyfriend mentioned last night that plants need care, I understand. What I don’t understand is how I can’t feel it, not even the slightest bit.
I lay in bed, the house a wreck. I want to clean, I want to unpack, I care about having a nice home, but I don’t feel it. I don’t feel the motivation that comes along with caring about something. In my mind, I know I care but, I can’t feel it.
So, I guess the smart thing to do would be to come up with a plan on how to overcome this. I don’t even know where to begin. Maybe I’ll make another post on how to care, I don’t know.
Any ideas from my readers on how to feel like you care again? Asking for a friend;)