It’s been a while since I’ve written anything. And honestly, it’s been a while since I’ve gotten out of bed before 3pm because I wanted to. I’ve spent so many days laying in bed watching videos on Facebook to pass the time. And I’m getting tired of it. So fucking tired of it.
Yesterday, it took all of my energy just to make three phone calls. One, to cancel a therapy appointment I probably should have gone to. And the other two calls to family members.
Things are tough for me right now, they’ve been worse before but, for some reason, I’m shutting out life at the moment. I’m not talking to my friends, I’m not posting anything on social media, I’m not even changing out of my pajamas until it’s time to pick my boyfriend up from work. I sleep until 11 or 12 and by then it’s too damn hot to enjoy any time outside like I used to.
To be honest, I kinda feel like I’ve lost myself. I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but I have. I’m not connected to anything anymore. Writing doesn’t bring the same passion it once did. Drawing is too much of an effort. Cleaning? Forget about it.
I want to make a change, I want to kick myself in the ass and start living again. I feel that day is coming soon. I just have to hold on and make it to that day. And I will, because I’m strong.