I was at that point not too long ago. I was at my lowest, I truly believed I didn’t deserve to be loved. I was too broken, too messy, and too hard to handle. No one in their right mind would choose someone like me. Of course, I thought others like me deserved love, just not myself.
I prayed almost every night. I prayed that God would send me a badass man and make it clear to me who he was. I knew it’d take one hell of a strong man to handle me. This wasn’t a job for some man-child that I’d have to clean up after and tie his shoes before work. Yeah, that happened.
I’d need a man willing to care for me, a man willing to hold me while I cry, a man willing to see me at my worst and still love me. God sent me just that.
It’s been about 2 1/2 months and this man is already my everything. He’s the man I love like I never thought possible. It’s a calm love, a safe love, and a funny love. It’s a love that brings more joy than I ever knew. It’s a love that has moved quickly, yet, feels like forever. It’s the kind of love you never knew exsisted but then when you find it, you’ll never be the same. It runs deep, it’s full of respect and passion, the kind of passion that doesn’t burn out quickly.
This man has cooked me countless dinners. He’s put up with my mood swings and let’s me lay down in bed alone so I don’t take my anger out on him.
I know it’s true, because I’d honestly do anything for him. I watch my tongue, I think through my words, I make sure that my illness doesn’t become a burden to him. I go to him for comfort. Driving him to work every day is not a chore, but yet something I enjoy. Laying down with my head on his lap while he plays video games makes me smile.
He’s inspired me to be more, do more. He’s helped me to get up off the chair on the patio and do things. We’ve redone furniture, created Goodwill shopping traditions, spent quiet nights in, and enjoyed going out to dinner.
His family is already my family. Well, they were my family before I had even met him. His sisters are my sisters, they’re my closest friends. I feel loved, protected, appreciated, secure. I’ve never felt these things before in my life.
My life has been full of anger, of hate, of unpredictability, and of pain. I’ve never known a love to make me feel safe. And I like it.
So, to this man and his sisters, thank you.
But more specifically, thank you for the dinners, the back rubs, walking the dogs, laying with me, loving me, protecting me, holding me, kissing me, and oh the many other things you do. I love you, thank you.