Quit These Things For A Simpler Life

Life gets crazy. Whether it’s our busy schedules or busy minds, we could all use some time to simplify our lives. Previously, I gave you all a couple lists of things to do to simplify your lives. Now, here’s a list of things to quit to make your life a little more simple. 

1. Trying to be perfect

Whether you’re trying to look perfect, be perfect, seem perfect, or do perfectly, just stop. Art is beautiful and each piece has its flaws. No one on this planet is absolutely perfect. Even Kendall Jenner makes mistakes and stars in terrible soda commercials. 

2. Comparing yourself

I have a hard time with this one. Lately it seems like all I do is compare what I look like, what I have, who I am, to what I see on Pinterest. It’s terrible. And, has only made my life more complicated. To make things more simple, just accept who you truly are and be happy with what you have. 

3. Dwelling on the past

This is another huge one for me. I tend to dwell on my past. A lot of bad things happened back then. But, the only way to enjoy a simple life is to accept what happened and enjoy the moments you’re in. 

4. Complaining

Just don’t. Be grateful for what you have. Be grateful for this life. I complain to myself all day, but if I put it aside like I’m doing right now, I’m able to do what I truly want to. 

5. Waiting

This one I’m working on right now. I stopped waiting to feel like writing and just started writing. I don’t know if I’ll make it to the end of this post and publish it, but I’m trying to make shit happen. Don’t wait around for motivation to strike, just start doing it and motivation may come. 

6. Lying 

Pretty much, don’t be an asshole. Don’t lie to others, even if it’s a simple, “how are you” question. Speak the truth, always. 

7. Pleasing everyone

You will never be able to make everyone happy. I learned this while living in Tennessee. Everyone expected so much from me and I was under so much pressure to be perfect for everyone. Just try and make yourself happy and those who truly care won’t mind. 

8. Thinking you’re not ready

I have this habit of thinking I’m not ready to write. It’s not clean enough, I don’t have a desk, I’m a mess how can I help others, the list goes on. Put aside your doubts and just start trying. Start working on what you think you’re not ready for. You may surprise yourself. 

9. Buying things you don’t need

I had a huge problem with this. I kept buying and buying thinking I needed it all. I don’t. And it turns out, most of it is heading to Goodwill. Buy only the things you need. 

10. Blaming others

I could sit here all day and list the reasons why others are to blame for my problems. But truth is, it’s my response to the actions of others that caused my problems. We’re in control of ourselves, if something is wrong we need to look at us not them. 

11. Overthinking 

I’m fighting this one off right now. I’m overthinking that this piece isn’t good enough, funny enough, or sarcastic enough. I haven’t been able to write in two weeks because I keep overthinking everything. Hopefully this will get me back into writing again. 



Where Did I Go?

Has anyone seen me? Because I can’t seem to find myself anymore. 

I don’t know if this is due to being on the wrong medication, a Depressive Episode, or maybe just a lot of stress and anxiety. Whatever it is, it’s stolen me from myself and I can’t get back. 

I used to enjoy things like doing my makeup, now I can’t bear the thought of it. Anything I want to do is seen as pointless because it’ll never be “good enough.” I can’t get this thinking out of my head, and it’s killing me inside. 

To top it all off, it’s made my self esteem take a huge dive. I can’t help but think I’m the ugliest thing out there. I can’t help but feel gross and pathetic. I keep comparing myself to all those women on Pinterest and Instagram, as if anyone can actually look like that all the time. 

Yesterday, someone told me they were proud of me, that I’m inspiring. I just wanted to tell them that they messaged the wrong girl, I’m worthy of neither of those compliments. I mean, have you seen my kitchen? What about the bathroom? I’m not worthy of anything. 

I’m stuck. I’m stuck in this negative thinking trap and I can’t get out. I don’t know which way to go. Do I turn to my self help books? Do I turn to yoga? How do I get back out of this? 

Thankfully, I have a therapy appointment today. Hopefully it’ll help some. But, the real help comes not until the 22nd. It seems so far away, but I’ll make it there. I’m sure of it. 

Until then, I’ll keep fighting to stay strong. I will win this battle, I will find my way around the dark pit of depression. 


A Little Bit Of A Push Doesn’t Hurt

When you’re like I have been, sitting around with no motivation, it can be difficult to do even the smallest of things. But, those are the things you need to do. Why? Because you eventually have to kick your own ass and start somewhere! 

So, I did the dishes. Finally! I did them because I knew I should, not because I felt so guilty that I waited until they took over the apartment and my boyfriend had started doing them for me. No, I did them so I could accomplish something today. And you know what? That’s the second thing I accomplished today. 

However, even that wore me out and I was quickly back to feeling down again. So, along with realizing you got to do the little things, I realized you’ve got to give yourself a break. 

I took a quick break and did something I enjoy, repainting small things for the apartment. Then, I took a nap. A long nap. A two hour glorious nap. God, was it great. Well, minus the weird as fuck dreams. But, Those will pass out of my mind soon enough. 

You’ve got to be gentle to yourself when you lack motivation and when you’re not very skilled in the art of discipline. Sometimes, you need to take things slow, and that’s okay. As for me, I take things a moment at a time. 

My best advice I can give you is this, plan out three things to accomplish that day, take it slow, reward yourself with healthy rewards (nap, bath, cookie, etc.), and be proud even if you only tried your best to do one thing on that list. Because you put effort into it, and that’s good enough. 


Where Is Motivation?

Seriously, where the fuck is motivation when you need it?

It’s something on my mind a lot lately. It’s something I’ve always struggled with. I could be motivated to do something and then a split second later, it’s gone. I could search for it in all the self help books I can find, but the truth is, it’ll always fade away. 

I’ve been searching, literally searching the internet, for ways to stay motivated or find it again. Everything I’ve read says that discipline is the answer. Even when you don’t feel like it, do it. Well, if only it were that easy. 

When I don’t feel motivated and I try to keep going, I get so damn angry. Like, irrationally angry. It’s ridiculous. I was never ever taught discipline. Ever. So, now what? Now what do I do?

My life is controlled by my feelings and emotions, which I never thought bad until now. Now I want to work on my goals, I want to accomplish things, but how the hell do I even begin? Like, I don’t know, honestly. I could pick up the book I have to read and study, but then within the first few sentences I will get frustrated and overwhelmed and put it back down. Ending up feeling disappointed in myself. So, why even bother?

Truth is, I’m just as frustrated with life at the moment. I’m not doing anything, I’m wasting my days. I plan to start school in the fall, but until then, what should I be doing? Building my blog, reaching out to others. I need to do this, but I can’t seem to get the ball rolling. 

I’m great at doing the bear minimum. And I’m great at overachieving when I feel like it. But, right now I’m stuck in this not wanting to just get by and also not feeling like doing anything. It’s driving me insane!

I wish I had answers, I wish I was doing so well that I could inspire you to be disciplined as well. But, I can’t. I can only share my struggles at this moment. Hoping someone will relate. 

What’s your tips for starting to build discipline? How do you find motivation? Let us all know in the comments, your words and experience could help me and maybe even a reader out! Let’s work together to be the best we can!


Life Can Change

This man inspires the hell out of me. 

I started this blog as a way to inspire others, to share hope, and to let others know they’re not alone. So, I felt the need to share a story I love. 

Before I begin, I didn’t ask permission to write this so, I’ll be leaving out many details for respect. Thank you for understanding. 

Yesterday, was a day like any day. We went and got our hair done, we went Goodwill hunting, and we painted a coffee table. However, yesterday, he was still on probation. Today, that’s a different story. 

For the first time in years, Steven isn’t on probation, nor is he in prison. And I couldn’t be more proud of him. This month he celebrates being off of probation. 

I can’t even begin to believe how much he has been through, how much he has seen. I didn’t have the privilege of knowing him until we officially met on our way to his family’s Thanksgiving dinner. Yes, we didn’t meet until going to his family’s event because, it just so happens that his sisters are my best friends and also a great source of inspiration to me. 

Lately, I’ve caught myself feeling down and bad about my life. While it’s so much greater now that he’s in it, I still feel like there’s something missing. Maybe it’s an education or a career, those have been bothering me lately. I’ve been feeling stuck and trapped because of my mental health, and now that I think about it, I imagine he’s probably felt that way too. 

It’s sometimes hard to look at the future with hope and with courage. It can be so taunting. And when you can’t even see what your weekend will look like, it’s hard to see what it looks like at the end of the tunnel of depression. I don’t know when this will end, I’ve been struggling for years, and coming up to a year of not having done much other than focus on my healing. It’s been over a year since I’ve held a job, and that makes it that much harder. 

He didn’t know when exactly his probation would end, he had no clue until about a month ago that there was a good chance he’d actually get off early. Just like I don’t know when my depression will end, but there’s hope. I know one day it will end and I will live a life I’m proud of. 

The thing that gets me in patience. There’s a chance that I could start school again in the fall. A small chance, but I’m still clinging to it. Holding out hope that maybe, just maybe I can turn my life around. I’ve made a lot of mistakes that have ended me up in my own form of probation. Which, I’ve actually been on before so I know what I’m talking about. It’s like, you’ve got to prove to someone you’re worthy of having a full life again. I say this because I basically have to prove to my grandmother, who will pay for my education, that I’m worthy of taking a risk again. 

My odds are slim, I’ve dropped out and failed so many times I’ve lost count. I’ve even been to jail and I’ve made some mistakes that have not done who I am any justice. I’ve been lost searching for peace in all the wrong places. I haven’t had it rough by any means, at least I don’t believe I have. I’ve been homeless, but always had a roof over my head. I’ve been a drunk, but always had company to take care of me. I’ve been kicked out, but always had a place to go. I’ve lived in a hotel, but had friends to see me through. I’ve never gone hungry, I’ve never truly been alone, and I’ve never had all my freedom taken from me. Above all, my God has always watched out over me. My life has been rocky, but I’m blessed to say I’ve survived. 

Looking at Steven’s life, I know change is now possible. I can work hard, dedicate myself to it, and know that one day things will be different. I won’t always be sitting out on my patio drinking coffee all day feeling stressed because my brain won’t work. I have goals, things I want to work towards. Things I want to accomplish. 

So, thank you Steven, thank you for having a story that opened my eyes to the wonderful possibilities that life has to offer. You are such an amazing man, you have grown for the better, and even though sometimes you get on my last nerve (and embarrass the hell out of me) I will love you for always. You constantly help me save myself. You don’t even try, it just comes naturally. You’re the hand I’ve wanted to hold while I figure things out for myself. You encourage me, remind me things are okay, and you love me even though I keep you up at night because I’m moody and emotional. 

I love you. 


A Day to Celebrate Love

When living with a mental illness, it can be hard to ever believe that one day, just maybe, someone might love you. 

I was at that point not too long ago. I was at my lowest, I truly believed I didn’t deserve to be loved. I was too broken, too messy, and too hard to handle. No one in their right mind would choose someone like me. Of course, I thought others like me deserved love, just not myself. 

I prayed almost every night. I prayed that God would send me a badass man and make it clear to me who he was. I knew it’d take one hell of a strong man to handle me. This wasn’t a job for some man-child that I’d have to clean up after and tie his shoes before work. Yeah, that happened.

I’d need a man willing to care for me, a man willing to hold me while I cry, a man willing to see me at my worst and still love me. God sent me just that. 

It’s been about 2 1/2 months and this man is already my everything. He’s the man I love like I never thought possible. It’s a calm love, a safe love, and a funny love. It’s a love that brings more joy than I ever knew. It’s a love that has moved quickly, yet, feels like forever. It’s the kind of love you never knew exsisted but then when you find it, you’ll never be the same. It runs deep, it’s full of respect and passion, the kind of passion that doesn’t burn out quickly. 

This man has cooked me countless dinners. He’s put up with my mood swings and let’s me lay down in bed alone  so I don’t take my anger out on him. 

I know it’s true, because I’d honestly do anything for him. I watch my tongue, I think through my words, I make sure that my illness doesn’t become a burden to him. I go to him for comfort. Driving him to work every day is not a chore, but yet something I enjoy. Laying down with my head on his lap while he plays video games makes me smile. 

He’s inspired me to be more, do more. He’s helped me to get up off the chair on the patio and do things. We’ve redone furniture, created Goodwill shopping traditions, spent quiet nights in, and enjoyed going out to dinner. 

His family is already my family. Well, they were my family before I had even met him. His sisters are my sisters, they’re my closest friends. I feel loved, protected, appreciated, secure. I’ve never felt these things before in my life.

My life has been full of anger, of hate, of unpredictability, and of pain. I’ve never known a love to make me feel safe. And I like it. 

So, to this man and his sisters, thank you. 

But more specifically, thank you for the dinners, the back rubs, walking the dogs, laying with me, loving me, protecting me, holding me, kissing me, and oh the many other things you do. I love you, thank you. 

How I’m Starting My New Year

This New Year, I was both anxious and excited about making resolutions. I knew in my heart this would be a perfect time to start over again, to start making some changes. But, it brought me so much anxiety. Until, one day I said “fuck it” and I got off my ass and did one thing on my list. Ever since then, things have started falling into place. 

I didn’t want to overwhelm myself with resolutions. And, I’m going into this knowing that I don’t have to do them all at once. It’s not about how quickly you can start, but that you accomplish it within the year. So, I wanted to share my resolutions with you. 

  • Get a medical marijuana card
  • Grow closer in my relationship to God
  • Have a healthy relationship with my boyfriend
  • Do yoga daily 
  • Get a job
  • Look put together
  • More road trips
  • Take more photos
  • Earn money blogging, in a respectful way
  • No drinking
  • Save money
  • Walk with confidence 

This past week, I’ve decided to start the New Year out easy and simple.  I rang in the new year with kisses from my boyfriend while cuddled up on the couch. I want this year to be as chill and relaxed as that. Honestly, I haven’t done a whole lot other than chill with my dog and spend time with my man. Which is perfectly okay with me. 

I did make sure to go to see my psychiatrist and make sure my mental health is being taken care of. I got some medication figured out and everything. While I’m starting out the year with a bit of money trouble, I’m still hanging in there. I’ve had some anxiety attacks this week, but nothing I can’t handle. 

The most important thing I’ve done so far this year is pick up yoga again. It’s helped me get started on everything else. It’s like the best antidepressant I could have asked for. I can’t tell you how much it’s helped. Before, I was anxious and restless all the time with my mind going a mile a minute. But, that changed after just 2 days of yoga. Today will be day 4 and I’m so excited and grateful. Yoga is a workout for your mind and your body. It helps so much. 

This year, I’m taking things a day at a time. Planning a little more, and enjoying life a bit more as well. I’m excited to continue on this journey to mental health recovery and I hope to continue inspiring others. 

Have a happy new year! Even though, it’s been like a week already and we’re all tired of people saying that to us by now.


And So It Begins

Well, Christmas is over, Thanksgiving has long passed, and there’s still a pile of Halloween makeup in everyone’s bathroom. Oh, wait, that’s just me? Oops. 

The Christmas trees are still up and the wrapping present is still covering the house. Oh, again just me? Okay, anyway!

It’s about time for reflecting on the past year and setting goals to make changes for the coming year. I mean, come on everyone 2016 was just shit. Let’s all make an effort to make 2017 a badass year. Or, at least laugh at Donald Trump memes. Seriously, so excited for those!

Currently, I’ve started my New Year’s Resolution list. I’m adding to it as time passes. I do want to share it with my lovely readers, but I want to make sure it’s mostly completed first. So, you can keep an eye out for that post! 

One thing I wanted to share with you is my newest addition to my list. I literally added it as I was writing this, but thought of it just minutes before I began to write. 

After we got back from the grocery store, I had forgotten my purse in the car. While I was walking out to get it, by myself, I realized something. I felt differently than when I walk with my boyfriend. Why was that? I don’t want to feel better about myself when I’m with him and then feel less about myself when we’re apart. That’s sure as hell not healthy. 

That’s when I realized, I was walking with my head down. Staring at my feet as they walked down the sidewalk. Careful, to not step on any cracks. You know, don’t want my mother’s back broken and all that! Then, I realized that while walking with my head down, I add anxiety to my day. Why? Because it takes away my view of what’s around me and makes me solely focused on the few steps ahead. 

So, my newest addition to my New Year’s Resolutions is to walk with more confidence. Or, you know, watch where the hell im going. I tried this while going out to my car, consciously reminding myself to hold my head high.

 It helped! I instantly felt more in control, which meant less anxious feelings. I was alone and completely in control, nothing could stop me. Walking back, I caught myself looking down again. But, told myself to keep my head held high and continued to do so. 

It’s a small goal, something easy and simple. Yet, it can make a world of a difference. Try it. If it’s difficult for you to do so, then I have an idea or like, a challenge for you. 

Walk into your closet, or open your dresser drawer. Whatever it may be, find your outfit you feel most confident in. It could be sweat pants and a tshirt, or a super nice dress. Maybe even a suit. If you don’t know what it is, try and dress up. Add all the accessories, do your makeup and hair, shave that beard. I’m talking to both guys and girls, here. Although, if you’re a woman with a beard, rock whatever makes you smile. 

Once you’ve found that outfit, I know wearing heels helps me, go outside. If you need your safe person, grab them and go do something. I challenge you to go and get some coffee. Or, if you’re not human, go and get a smoothie or one of those $7 juices. You don’t have to stay there, but get out and get something you enjoy. Maybe even ice cream. If someone asks why you’re wearing a damn tuxedo, tell them you’ve got an important event you’re headed to. Which isn’t a lie, because when you get home, you’ll feel important and that in and of itself is an important event. 

Take care, my lovelies. I hope everyone has enjoyed their holidays. Let’s start working on making 2017 a great year!


A Whole Damn Year

Tomorrow marks a year since I left Tennessee. I can’t believe it’s been a whole damn year already. It’s been so fast. Just a year ago I was getting no sleep, finishing packing up my things, and wondering how I would say goodbye to the man I still loved. The morning I left, he packed my car for me and turned his head as I tried for one last kiss. I pulled out of the driveway and watched him in my rear view mirror just like every country song I had come to love. It was over. 

I went and picked up my best friend. She had a long goodbye with her new husband, and I held back tears as I gave him a hug goodbye. Everyone in that town had become close to me. I knew everyone, everyone knew who I was. It was a small town, I had grown to call it home. It’s still one of the few places I consider home. 

We went on our way, first stop? Starbucks in Murfreesboro, TN. To begin our long drive across country, I decided to accidentally scare the living hell out of Kayla by almost getting into a car accident! I’m sure that made for a suspenseful ride the next 3 days! Sorry, Kayla. 

The sad part is that, on the day that was supposed to kill me, I had the happiest day of my life! I was supposed to be heartbroken, but I wasn’t. I was excited for the road trip, and I was the happiest I had ever been when I visited Graceland. Seriously, I’m not even sure I’ll be that happy on my wedding day! Unless, of course, I get married at Graceland. 

As one lifelong dream was coming to an end, I was experiencing another just beginning. I was about to travel across country with a best friend. I was walking where Elvis Presley once lived. I couldn’t help but be the most happy I had ever been. I was bouncing all around the place, giggling. I had Kayla taking pictures of me everywhere! I was so incredibly happy. It was a bittersweet end to my time in Tennessee. 

Kayla is a small town girl. Grew up in the town she still lives in. Never been on a plane, never been bar hopping downtown. So, to try and get her used to the city I took her out on the town in Little Rock, Arkansas. Bless her heart, she was so uncomfortable. But she survived. It was the biggest city she’d been in other than Nashville. Which scared me a bit, because it was not a big city. Was she in for a surprise when we finally made it to Phoenix. The city that never freaking ends. 

We made our stop at Cadillac Ranch where I almost died. Seriously. So cold. So windy. No jacket. I couldn’t breathe! 

We made memories I’ll never forget on our trip. We sang songs I’d never in a million years think that sweet girl would ever listen to! (Ass, ass, ass, ass.) 

She made sure, in every state, that I could turn around if I wanted to. I didn’t have to leave my Tennessee. But she also knew, I had to do this. It was the only way I could save myself. I had to go back home, there were things left unfinished. I wasn’t meant to be in the country. 

God, I didn’t want this girl to leave me! She had become such a great friend in such a short amount of time. I’d gotten used to seeing her every damn day. She is the sweetest, most loving person in the world. She helped me through one of the most difficult times of my life. I love this girl! 

What have I done in this past year? I don’t currently have a job, and I’m not in school. It’s easy to just glance at my life and say that all I’ve done this past year is spend money and drink copious amounts of coffee. However, I have lived my life. 

I drank, and drank well! I watched football and became an all time champion at Cards Against Humanity. Seriously, just try and beat this sense of humor! I dare you! 

I went out on the weekends. I was a wing woman for my best guy friend. I danced with strangers, I learned how to two step, and I learned how, for the most part, to manage my drinking in a healthy way. Although, at some point I forgot that little bit and decided it’d be best to just quit drinking all together. But I’ve had some 21year old experiences that I don’t regret! 

I wore my red dress that I wasn’t allowed to wear in Tennessee. My ex was furious that I bought it. He decided it showed too much and I couldn’t wear it out. Well, I went to a fancy Christmas party and guess what. I wore my damn dress. I put on my highest heels, and did my makeup. I felt absolutely gorgeous and I loved every minute of it. Also, this photo was taken to send to him. Gotta remind ’em what they lost, right girls?

I spent time at coffee shops reading. I did what I enjoyed, without feeling guilty for it! For the first time in about a year, I was able to relax and do what I truly enjoyed. The simple act of reading at a coffee shop made my day. I can still remember how happy I felt in that moment. 

I visited Bass Pro Shop a few times. Even though I’m happy to be in the city again, I do miss my country life. Being able to come here lets me feel like it’s not so far away. It gives me memories of the good times, and sometimes I buy a little keepsake to remind me of the country girl that lies inside my soul. 

I attended cosmetology school. One of my passions, but not my life’s purpose. I ended up withdrawing, but I didn’t go down without a fight. I gave it my best, I enjoyed every moment I possibly could. But at the end of the day, it was time to let this dream fly away. And I’ve grown so much since I let go of this part of my life. 

While I was in school I got to be a makeup artist for a professional photo shoot. I got to accomplish one of my dreams before I left. And while I loved being able to say that I did that, I knew it wasn’t where I was meant to be. I was meant for more. 

I traveled. Alone. I went to Flagstaff, AZ for a weekend and enjoyed myself. I enjoyed breakfast alone and I enjoyed reading at a coffee shop. I had a great time just being myself and exploring, standing on my own two feet. It was nice to be back. 

While at the time, I didn’t support him, I went to a Bernie Sanders rally. Expecting to stand in the back and have it be pretty much pointless that I was there, I had another thing coming. My friend and I met up with his friend and we walked past all the little gates. All of them, until we found ourselves standing with some of the most powerful voices in local Arizona politics. It was a great way for me to deal with my anxiety in large crowds, and a wonderful once in a lifetime experience that I will never forget. 

And then, I traveled some more. I traveled back to my true home, San Diego. I visited with my best friend since kindergarten and her husband. I drove out there alone, and had a wonderful weekend with them. I had planned on moving out there, however I feel my life is better off in Arizona at the moment. 

I danced in the rain through the immense pain I was feeling. I was back living with my parents and it went about as well as anyone could expect. So, yeah, not so well. But I survived. 

I burnt my hand. I got 2nd degree burns from holding the wrong end of a curling iron. I had to have my friend go with me to the hospital to help ease my anxiety. I powered through it. And while I felt a little sorry for myself that I had no one to help me take care of it, I managed to take care of myself pretty well. 

Also during the time of the burnt hand, I lived out of hotels! I had been kicked out of my parent’s house. See, I told you it didn’t go so well. And I had no where to turn to. So, I stayed in two separate hotels while waiting for my apartment and still continuing attending school. I felt kind of badass for having made it through this tough time, although I couldn’t have made it without Friends. The TV show. And, well, one certain friend that helped me get the hotel rooms and made sure I was okay. He even brought me coffee one day. 

By the time it was May, I moved into my own apartment. For the first time in years, I had a place of my own. No one can kick me out (as long as I pay my bills) and no one can make me feel ashamed for the way in which I live. I’m on my own, with the help of my grandparents. But at the end of the day, I stand tall on my own two feet. Proud of the home I have made for myself. 

Also, I chopped my hair off and went blonde. Just thought I’d throw that one in there real quick. 

And then, I got a fur baby. His name is Warren. I named him after the county in Tennessee that I lived in. As all my previous dogs have been named after places I’ve lived. Just a few short days after adopting him, we headed out on an adventure. 

And, not even a year later I went back to Tennessee. I stayed with my Tennessee gay best friends, and their friend who was also crashing for the weekend. We went and got tattoos and we drank too much alcohol. They were there for fun and laughter during what was pretty much a divorce. Also, I almost got hit by a car driving through a wall while eating my breakfast. So, thank god that didn’t happen. 

Here’s a photo of the tattoo I got. It represents my new beginning. 

During the year, I also spent time in a recording studio. Just another dream I got to check off my list! I recorded a cover of I Wonder by Kellie Pickler. I’m so grateful for that weekend. 

I played Pok√©mon Go with the rest of the world. 

And, I saved a dog’s life. 

I accomplished another dream and went to a Joan Jett concert with one of my best friends. I guess 2016 may have been a rough year, but it was a year of dreams coming true. 

Most importantly, I grew closer with my family. My dad and I speak almost every day, my mother and I get along better, and my grandmother calls me each day to make sure I’m doing alright. I’m beyond blessed with the family I’ve been given, even if we aren’t perfect at all. 

I’ve also learned that I shouldn’t drink coffee while wearing anything white. 

I tried yoga again. While I’m not the best at continuing my practice, I know it helps incredibly. 

I tried to own a cat. But, my anxiety and my allergies decided no. Her name was Kitty. 

I traveled, again! This time, to Longboat Key, FL. I spent 10 days hanging out with my ridiculously tall cousin. It was great to get away from my mental health and daily issues, for the most part. 

Of course, Warren went with me again! He’s traveled around the country, and has many more plane trips in his little future!

I started dating. Pretty much for the first time. I went to things like Oktoberfest and to fancy dinners. I met a lot of interesting guys, some not so interesting. While it was nice for the time being, online dating isn’t for me. Which is okay, because I got me a date with an old high school friend tomorrow and that’s much more exciting than some random I’ve never met before! 

I started this blog, which turned out to mostly be a mental health blog. I’ve dealt with some shit this year, and being able to write and inspire makes it all worth it! 

I became a contributor on The Mighty. My writing has reached over 1,000 hearts. I can’t even describe how it makes me feel to know that I’ve finally made an impact on this world. Small, it may be, but an impact nonetheless. 

I’ve welcomed my new little niece into the world. I watched as my sister’s little belly grew into something huge. I visited the day she was born, and the next day I got to feed her. She’s another little miracle. I’m so glad that I was able to be apart of this. 

I began to draw, again. More emotion poured out into my drawings than ever before. 

I spent Halloween with my family. Family being my best friend and her husband and daughters. We were all Alice in Wonderland characters. I realized how much I used to love makeup again.

I voted. Of course, nothing I voted for passed. So, there’s that. But, I stood up for my beliefs and I refused to vote for someone I could not fully stand with. 

I face timed old friends in different states. Still keeping in contact with those that mean the world to me. 

I began a journey of photography again. While, it’s still in its early phase of not being the best, it’s still a passion that I love. 

And finally, I hung out with old friends. I reconnected with those that once meant everything to me. They still mean the world. I was able to be myself, feel like the girl I was in high school. I felt loved, I felt wanted. I was actually invited to hang out with people, something that doesn’t actually happen often.

This is me, a year later. A year after I had packed up and moved back to my hometown. A year after some of the worst and best things have happened to me. 

I’ve grown so much, I’ve overcome so much. I’m so much more strong than I was this time last year, when I had to be the strongest I had ever been before. 

I finally know who I am. I finally realize my life’s purpose and my goals. I’m happy with who I am, and I’m finally in control of myself. It’s such a great feeling to be at this place. 

Thank you to all of those who have made sure that, without a doubt, I stayed alive. 


I Hung Out With Trump Supporters

Last night, I hung out with both new and old friends. And a good majority of them were Trump supporters. Well, two of them supported Trump, the rest just voted for the “lesser evil.” 

They were people like me. They were in their early 20’s and were raised probably about the same way I was. They stood in a group and expressed their opinions. There were those of us who had mental issues, those of us who were women, and those of us who were gay. 

I, however, decided to keep my mouth shut on the topic. I have very strong opinions, but I knew I’d get emotional. These people didn’t know me like my best friends do. They wouldn’t know that I had no intention of being rude and that the tears were coming from a place of social anxiety. So, I lit up a cigarette and just sat back and listened. 

A few people voted for him because they just didn’t want Hilary or, they believed that voting for him would be a wasted vote. Another girl and her husband truly stood by Trump’s policies and his ideas. They understood that while he may want to ban all muslims, he can’t. However, they did not speak at all from a social stand point. 

So, here is what I would have said had I chosen to speak up and say what was on my mind. 

I understand. I get where these Trump supporters were coming from. I get that a lot of his ideas actually lined up with many of us. Hell, I’m a republican. However, I could not ignore the media and social standpoint to all of this. It’s not just because he’s orange or has no political experience what so ever. Okay, that last part has a bit to do with it, but it’s because how his voice can affect a nation. 

Someone said last night that we have begun segregating ourselves. Gays are identifying as gays. Blacks are identifying as blacks. And so on. We’re finding our identities in things that make us separate. Similar to me, finding my identity in my mental illness. 

To me, this is a huge warning sign that his words have already created so much divide. Even the people who don’t want to be divided, are being divided. We’re not looking at each other as a human race all created equal, we’re looking at what makes us all different. 

While Trump may not be able to ban all muslims, his words create a following of hate. His words cause people to hate muslims. His words are causing innocent Muslim people to be treated differently. To be treated without respect. His words are causing hate towards all groups. Even the privileged white men are being given hate. 

Although, in the midst of all this hatred, I do see love. While many see this as a set back for women, I see it as a chance to come together and fight for ourselves. I see it as an opportunity for men to stand up for us, as well. Just because the president thinks it’s okay to “grab them by their pussies” doesn’t mean we, as a nation, collectively agree to that statement. 

I have seen so many powerful words come from the mouths of women. Those who are coming forward saying that this has affected them because of their previous sexual assualts. Women everywhere are standing up and speaking out about what we will and will not accept. And I think our voices together can be more powerful than his alone. 

We need to stand together, as a nation. We need to let the world know that we will not put up with racism, sexism, homophobia, and much more. 

Our next president has made fun of people with disabilities, has crudely talked about women, has sexually assaulted women, has belittled Muslims, and has made the average American turn to hate. Hate is not what we need. 

I am a Christian woman. Some of my best friends are gay men. I have family members with disabilities. I have mental illnesses. I have neighbors who are Muslim. I have neighbors who are Mexican. I have neighbors who are black. I have been sexually assaulted. I have been treated as an object. And you still can not even find hatred in my heart.

I do not hate Trump. I do not hate the pathetic excuse of a man that raped me. I do not hate the man that put his hand up my skirt while being told “no.” I do not hate the boys that have yelled out at me as I walk down the street. I do not hate those that have abused me. I do not hate those that hate me. 

I am a Christian woman. None of us can be without sin. However, Jesus loves everyone, He died for us to save us from our own sins. And He said, to love thy neighbor. That hate is equal to wishing your neighbor dead. My one goal, is to love my neighbor. As a Christian, I believe this is the most important thing any of us can do, especially in these times of pain. 

Even if you are not a Christian, what harm would come from loving each other? What harm comes from caring for one another no matter race, gender, religion? Continue to spread the love. 

Not all Trump voters are bad, some of them are just like us. Some of them hate the hate as well. To me, a vote for him was a vote against Love. But that does not mean I do not love you because of who you voted for.