“Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got.” – Janis Joplin
Anyone who knows me knows I’m pretty cheap. Yeah, okay, that’s a lie. I just started being pretty cheap, I mean, have you ever been to Goodwill? I’m obsessed! But, lately I’ve began to feel like I’m just not being who I truly am. I’ve compromised myself for a good deal! I’m kidding, but the obsession of buying tshirts for like, $2 has turned me into someone I’m not. I’m just not the girl that rocks an AC/DC shirt and some converse. I’d like to be that girl, but on most days, I just can’t.
Lately I’ve been feeling like my wardrobe is nothing but yoga pants and tshirts. My makeup is also lacking, drug store beauty products actually are cheap looking when you go from nice as fuck foundation to the affordable stuff.
Now, before you roll your eyes, if you haven’t already, I’m getting somewhere with this.
As much as I hate it, my self esteem is dependent on how I look. Not for superficial reasons, not to impress anyone else (okay, maybe sometimes my boyfriend), and it’s not to fit into society’s standards. No, it’s for me. I gre up loving to get ready, picking out the right outfit, doing my makeup, even doing my hair. It’s all been a part of me. I mean, I didn’t try out cosmetology school because I’m indifferent to cosmetics. No, I went because it was a passion of mine. A passion depression stole from me.
It became not worth it because I would never look like those girls on Instagram. I don’t have the perfect body, hair, or makeup routine. So, why fucking bother, right? It’s just so much easier to accept that I’m never going to look like that and then never try. But, that’s not what it’s about. Not at all.
Before, it was always about self-expression. It was never to look like anyone else, just look how I believed complimented my already there features. To dress how I felt like dressing that day. And to wear my hair however I damn well pleased.
Somewhere, I got lost in it all. I got lost in competeing, I got lost in trying to look perfect. And that’s not okay.
So, since I would look at old photos of me and wonder, “how did I look so good back then and not now?” I decided to fix what I had changed in my beauty routine. I went out and spent $65 in makeup. If any of my manly men readers are still reading, that’s a total of two fucking products. Yeah, I’m shocked too. But, I did it because I knew in the long run it’d help me feel better. I also bought a pair of heels (they were on sale) because heels help give me the confidence I need to wear that makeup proudly. Also, because I bought a floor length dress that is too tall for me. I bought the dress at goodwill.
So, what I’m getting at is this, it’s okay to sometimes spend a little extra money to make yourself feel better. I’m not talking to go and blow a shit ton of money, but if that one thing will give you more confidence, spoil yourself with it. Whether it be new shoes, makeup, a part for your car (trying to include the men here), or whatever the hell else it is, do it. You deserve it. You deserve to feel your absolute best every day.