Lifestyle, mental health

Stay At Home Dog Mom


I love the title, “stay at home dog mom.” It puts such a positive spin on my life. It makes it sound like I’m actually doing something, taking care of something. But, I’m not. Not really. My boyfriend feeds the dogs, he walks them, and does everything else for them. But I’ve got the cuddles. 

See, for the past year, I’ve been a stay at home dog mom. Not a very good one by any means, but one nonetheless. 

A year ago depression hit me hard. It left me in bed binge watching Friends for a month straight. Depression made me leave school, again. And I was actually doing well that time. I can’t help but look back and feel helpless. Why couldn’t I just find the strength to keep going? Why in the hell couldn’t I just get up. If I had known the impact of my choices, would I have gotten out of bed? I would have a life right now, I would be working and have friends and be a human. But, I feel as though I’m none of those things. Not anymore. 

These days, I do good to get up and go to a coffee shop for a few hours. Hell, lately I do good to get up and make it to my front porch. I slept until 2pm yesterday. 

I feel as though the outside world may be judging me. When they ask what I’ve been up to, I’ve got nothing to say. I mean, I could say I’ve been working on my depression, but that’s not an “appropriate” response. 

I wish there had been something else I’ve fully committed myself to working on. I wish I were selling things online, starting a business, traveling, doing SOMETHING. But, there’s not.

I feel ashamed. I feel like my life isn’t mine anymore. I wake up, take my boyfriend to work, come home, and sleep the day away until it’s time to pick him back up. I don’t do things around the house like I should, I don’t clean up messes, I do good to shower and change my clothes. My mind and my body and tired. I can’t find the energy. 


I know what I should do. I know what I’m capable of doing. But I don’t do those things. Some days, I purposefully don’t even try. Like yesterday, I didn’t try. 

What does it look like when I do try? Well, it looks like my day so far. 

4am: I wake up to my boyfriend telling me that we slept through his alarms, we should be leaving right now. I yelled at him, turned over, and sarcastically asked if he’s made coffee yet. The poor man is sitting there with a coffee mug full of coffee just waiting to love me. 

4:30am: I put my shoes on, grab my wallet and keys and we head out the door. This morning, we had to pick up his coworker who was out of the way. I wasn’t thrilled about this, and I made that known. I complained the whole time. 

5am: I drop off my boyfriend and his coworker not even a mile from our house. When I leave, I notice they end up driving past our place anyway. There was no need for me to drop him off this morning. They could have picked him up. I was upset. 

5:30am: I’m finally in bed going to sleep. I’m tossing and turning because I’m awake enough to stay up but not awake enough to get rid of the terrible hungover feeling I had from such a little night’s sleep. 

7am: My alarm goes off. I could have gotten up. I didn’t. I turned it off and went back to sleep. 

9:30am: I finally wake up and get out of bed. I pour some coffee and head out to the front porch. I look up subscription boxes for mental health. I read an article about what it’s like to have an illness that requires you to stay home. I scroll trough Facebook. 

10:18am: It’s currently 10:18 and I’m writing this. My dogs are laying in the shade outside and I’m already smoking my 5th cigarette from just being out here since 9:30. My coffee is almost empty and that leaves me with the choice to make more, or get ready to go to the coffee shop. 

I want to accomplish so much today. I want to get work done at the coffee shop then come home and clean up the house which is such a disaster that it’s probably contributing to my bad moods. 

I want to do so many things, I want to be “normal” again. I don’t mean normal as in other people, but normal as in myself again. I want to strive and be ambitious. I want to live a life again. 

-Liz

Lifestyle, mental health

You Fucking Got This


I am the type of person that, unfortunately, has bad days often. Whether it’s due to my mental health, my ever-changing moods, or just lying in bed all damn day, there never seems to be a shortage of bad days. It fucking sucks, guys. 

However, one of my biggest problems is that I hold on to a bad day.

Oh, I had a bad day on Monday? Well, I’ll try again next week. WEEK. Not, let’s try again after some coffee not, let’s try again tomorrow no, let’s try again next week. 

Yesterday was fucking miserable for me. And I’ll be open and honest and explain it all. 

First, after dropping my boyfriend off at work, I came home and went back to sleep. I then proceed to sleep until noon. That alone usually sets off a bad mood. But wait, there’s more!

Secondly, I had some weird-ass fucking dreams. Like, I can’t even admit these to my best friend type of dreams. They were that bad. But, to give you an indication of how they were, they were sexual dreams. Mainly focusing around the feeling of doing something “wrong.” Those are the worst because then I wake up feeling like I need to act out on it and do something “wrong.”

So, in an effort to rid myself of these thoughts and dreams I watched porn. It’s wrong in my mind, but it still wasn’t enough. Thankfully, I didn’t act out on anything else. 

Thirdly, like stated above, I watched porn. This always sends me into a spiraling out of control bad mood. I beat myself up, I hate myself, I’m disgusted with myself.

To top it all off, I felt like something had taken over me and I wasn’t myself. I wanted to post risqué photos of myself on Instagram, I wanted to do anything for those “likes.” When did I become this person? What was happening?

I spent all damn day in bed yesterday. I allowed myself to have a shitty day because I just didn’t know how to get myself out of it. The part of my day spent alone ended with me sitting in the bathtub after a shower crying and listening to music. Thankfully, it wasn’t long after that that I needed to pick up my boyfriend. 

I talked to him about it a bit, and I let it go. We ended up laughing and having a good night. It was a great way to end such a shitty day. But, I was still left terrified of repeating yesterday. God, I still am terrified of it. 

How do we break away? How do we move on? Especially when you spent an entire day feeling like someone else? Like, yesterday my only goal was to become a vape model on Instagram, that’s all that mattered. And that’s not me. I run deeper than that, I think deeper than that, I have more to offer than that. 

How To Turn Things Around And Have A Good Day After A Bad One

1. Wake the hell up

For me, my problems started when I went back to sleep. So, even though my mind and body are telling me that they just want to crawl back into bed, I’m not going to. This is something that will take a lot of effort from me. Just one look at my bed and I could be back in there. God, I want to crawl into bed so badly. But more than that, I want to start having good days again. 

Grab some coffee, tea, or whatever the fuck wakes you up and spend some time being nice to yourself this morning. If sleeping in is your problem, try setting an alarm. If going back to bed after waking up is your problem, force yourself to go outside to wake up. And just relax, let yourself take the time you need. 

2. Remind yourself of who you are

This one is more specific to how I felt like a totally different person. But if you’ve had a day when you’re down on yourself, this could help, too. Write down 20 things that are you. Here’s mine:

  1. Loving
  2. Caring 
  3. Thoughtful 
  4. Deep
  5. Meaningful
  6. Happy
  7. Beautiful 
  8. Creative 
  9. Lively
  10. 80% coffee
  11. Good
  12. Deserving
  13. Human
  14. A writer
  15. Inspirational 
  16. Helpful
  17. Chill
  18. Respectful
  19. Feminist
  20. Funny

3. Have an Opposite Day

Best way to avoid having another day like the day before? Do the exact opposite. 

Lay in bed all day = Stay out of bed

Watch porn = Don’t watch porn

Stay home all day = Get out of the house

Wallow in self-pity = Take care of yourself

You see where I’m going with this. 

4. Your thoughts control your moods

Lastly, be aware of what you’re thinking. Force yourself to think more positively. Instead of being afraid today will be a repeat, be excited for the new day ahead! Find something you can get excited about. For me, it’s going to my favorite coffee shop. 

How do you have a good day after a shitty one? Love to hear ideas!

-Liz

mental health

Surviving An Anxiety Hangover

As I wrote in my last post, I’m having an anxiety hangover day. I’m really not wanting it to ruin or control my whole day, but the leftover anxiety from last night is strong. 

I’ll admit, I don’t exactly know how to conquer days like this, I’ve never done that before. This is my first time trying to stand up to anxiety. And damn, is it hard. All I want to do is crawl back into bed and hide away. So, here is what I’m going to try to do. 

Ways To Overcome An Anxiety Hangover 

1. Don’t Do It

I know you want to crawl into bed, it’s the easiest way, just hide until the Anxiety passes. Well, if you’re like me, you got shit to do. Stay out of bed, just don’t do it. If you have to lay down, lay down on the floor. Just don’t get into bed! It’s all over from there. 

2. Let There Be Light

Open your windows, let some natural light in. Maybe even some fresh air. Don’t hide away in the dark. 

3. Come Up With A Mantra

Come up with a saying or mantra you can use throughout the day. Today, mine is, “everything is okay.” Just breathe, let it sink in, and know you are safe and so are your loved ones. 

4. A Little Goes A Long Way

If you have to do stuff like I have to, start small. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Do half the dishes, or even just one dish. Keep going if you feel strong enough, if not, take a break and try again. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, as long as you try. 

5. Self-Care

Take care of yourself, please. Take a shower, a bath, wash your face, do some yoga. Whatever helps you feel loved by yourself. 

-Liz

mental health

Hungover


Today, I’m experiencing an anxiety hangover. Little bits from my attack last night have stuck with me through to this morning. I’m tired, I’m restless, and I’m hoping it won’t ruin my day. 

See, I had plans today. Clean up the house, do some laundry, do my hair and makeup, even contemplated going and getting a tattoo. But with an anxiety hangover, this could all be gone and I could end up in bed all damn day. 

I’m fighting off the thoughts best I can, but they’re still there. I have a pounding headache to remind me of them. 

When I have an anxiety hangover, everything just seems to be too much. It’s too much work to simply sit outside rather than lay in bed. It’s all too much and being overwhelmed will stop me from doing pretty much anything at all. 

I can’t even imagine doing the dishes right now, let alone take a shower. I just want to cry, I want to give in and let the anxiety take over again. But I need to stay strong, I need to fight through this. I need to get better. 

How do you survive an anxiety hangover day?

-Liz

mental health

I’ve Got This

Today I woke up with determination. Today, it will be good. Although, after one bad comment on my blog I’m feeling like just going back to bed. I don’t know why I’m letting it get to me, I shouldn’t. Some people just don’t give a fuck about anyone else. 

Anyway, I want to make today great. I want to get things done and enjoy myself today. I want to have fun and not lay in bed all damn day today. Seriously, my neck is killing me from it! 

So, as I sit outside and drink my coffee, I’ve come up with a few ideas. 

How To Enjoy Yourself Again

1. Give Yourself A Reason

It’s not going to be easy, getting out of the house. Especially when you’ve been isolating yourself like I have. So, my best advice is to give yourself a reason you truly can believe, or want to start believing. For me, my reason is that I’m worthy. I’m worthy of a little pampering, I’m worthy of some relaxation and I’m worthy enough to have a clean house. What’s your reason?

2. Treat Yourself Extravagantly

If you can afford it, go all out. Get your hair done, get your nails done, go to MAC and get your makeup done. Maybe you go to a spa for a day. Whatever will help you feel like the queen or king you are. I’ll be going to get my hair done, it needs it and I can afford it, I’m not going crazy doing all the other things because I know I can’t afford it. However, I might be getting a tattoo tomorrow. 

3. Treat Yourself By Yourself

If you can’t afford the above, or you just haven’t gotten to the point where you can get out of the house, don’t worry. I’ve got your back! Try taking a nice bubble bath, maybe with some candles lit. Try coloring your own hair. Don’t try cutting your own hair. Try a makeup tutorial. Give yourself a DIY face mask. Paint your own damn nails. At the very least, take a fucking shower. We both know you don’t want to, but it’ll help. 

4. Update Your Wardrobe 

Right now, my wardrobe does not reflect the way I want to be. There’s too many colors! So, a great thing to do is grab all the clothes you don’t want anymore, take them to a clothing exchange and use in store credit to get a discount on some slightly used clothing. Or, if you can, take the money they offer you and hit up the mall. Maybe buy yourself one nice piece of clothing. Remember, quality over quantity. 

5. If It’s All Just Too Much

If you’re not at the point where you can take care of yourself or go outside, that’s okay. Grab your favorite book or movie and cuddle up into bed with some hot coffee or tea and enjoy the laziness you deserve. 

What are your tips to getting back to life? Enjoying yourself again? I’d love to know!

-Liz

mental health

Trying To Be Better

For a lot of us, depression and anxiety can keep us stuck in bed. That’s where I’ve been the last month. I hate it with a passion, and I’m sure you do, too. So, what do we do about it? How can we overcome this?

The guilt can be soul-crushing. You begin to be so ashamed of yourself that you can’t look in the mirror. It’s okay, we’ve all been there. But the thing is, we can’t stay there. Life continues on even when we’ve stopped. And eventually, we have to catch back up. Now, it’s not all going to happen in a day but, there are some small steps you can take to start again. Remember, keep it slow. 


First Steps To Living Again

Remember, you don’t have to do these all at once. Try picking one for today and then adding another when you’re ready. 

1. Wake Up

For me, I have an alarm that goes off every morning at 4am. Thanks to having a hardworking boyfriend. But, I’ve also been where there are times you see no point in waking up. Like, when you don’t have a job and you live alone. It’s so tempting to sleep until noon. However, waking up and watching the sunrise or having a morning coffee or tea could really help. Try setting an alarm for early morning while everything is still quiet. You can go back to bed after your coffee, but make an attempt to get up. 

2. Shower

Personal hygiene and self-care go out the window when you’re this depressed. It’s okay, it happens. Though, eventually you need to shower and get all that dry shampoo build-up out of your hair. Just take a quick, simple shower. Be sure to wash your face. And just let the warm water fall over you. Sometimes this wakes me up enough that I can get started around the house doing things, but it’s also okay to go back to bed. 

3. Start A Simple Hobby

Start doing something you can do from the comfort of your bed. Write, knit, sew, draw, whatever makes you happy or used to bring you joy. Start doing something, get your mind working again. You could even read a book, just give Netflix a break. 

4. Get Some Fresh Air

If you can, go for a walk. But I understand not being able to do that so, at least sit outside for like, 5 minutes. Or, if that’s too hard, try opening the window and letting some air in. Breathe and know it’ll all be okay. 

What are some of your ideas for getting back into the swing of things?

-Liz

mental health

Trapped In Bed


For the last few weeks, yes, weeks, I have been trapped under the covers on my bed. It’s been a miserable few weeks, full of self-loathing and hatred. I can’t begin to describe to you what it feels like to be able to sleep all damn day and then still get a full night’s rest. One of the most obvious signs depression has returned is when I sleep all day. Which, obviously, doesn’t help my depression go away. 

After these last few weeks, I’ve gotten the physical side effects of laying in bed all day, every day. I’ve got this pain in my neck/shoulder that will not go away. It kept me up most of the night last night, too. And my body, it’s gotten used to not doing anything so any time I actually want to do something, it’s all like, “what the fuck, dude?” And then I go back to bed. 

The worst part of it all is the mental aspect of giving up and hiding under the safety of your covers. You start to feel guilt when your boyfriend comes home from roofing all day in the hot sun, and all you’ve done today is cry. Or, when the weekend comes you spend the whole time watching him clean while you just sit there. Guilt and shame fill your mind, and you know it’s so easy for others to just think you’re being lazy, but you’re not. 

How To Survive Being Suck In Bed

1. Clean Sheets

I mean, come on. You’re going to be stuck in bed for God knows how long, might as well do yourself a favor to help you feel better and put on some freshly clean sheets. Trust me, it helps a little. 

2. Wear Comfy Clothes

Bring out your favorite oversized shirt and forget wearing pants! Do yourself a huge favor, change your clothes daily, even if you’re not leaving your bed. After a week of laying down, you don’t want to be in the same shirt. And make sure they’re clean clothes! It helps a little, too. 


3. Grab Your Favorite Calming Drink

For me, it’s coffee. And thankfully I smoke when I drink coffee so, I have to get out of bed for this one. Only time when smoking is okay, I guess! Anyway, grab some hot tea or something and enjoy it cozied up in bed. Hey, it might even make a good Instagram photo! Oh! And if you have the money, go on Etsy and order yourself some positive sayings mugs. My favorite right now says, “you got this!” 

4. Get Your Ass Up

Every hour, try to do something, anything. Whether it’s take a shower, wash a couple dishes, or just walk around your room real quick, do something every hour. Who knows, maybe you’ll start to do more things each hour when you get up!

5. Eat Some Food In Bed

I give you permission to eat in bed. I don’t care whether it’s chocolate cake or a salad, eat something. Depression is the best appetite suppressant there is for some people. Others, they can’t stop eating. But whatever you do, make sure you eat during the day. Please. 

6. Binge Watch Netflix

One of my personal favorites, binge watching Netflix. It gets you out of reality and lets you be entertained. Watch a good movie or your favorite tv show. This is a good time to snack, too. 

7. Get Some Fresh Air

Maybe during one of your hour breaks you can step outside for some fresh air. I don’t care if it’s raining, sunny, or snowing, get outside for at least 5 minutes. Feel the rain on your skin, feel the sun warm your soul, feel the cold air. Remind yourself that you are alive. 

8. Open The Windows

I can’t tell you how much it helps to just open the windows and let some fresh air in, and some natural light. Nature has a way of uplifting the spirit even if just a little bit. 

What are some ways you survive when depression has you stuck in bed? I’d like some ideas!

-Liz

mental health

Morning Coffee


As I sit here finishing my morning coffee, I can’t help but wonder how today is going to go. Will I sleep all day again? Or, will I do things today? I don’t know. But I know what I want. 

I want to get up and clean my car, maybe do some creative photography and then go to a coffee shop to edit and write. I want to buy the pet food we’re out of and enjoy my day. But I just can’t promise myself that. 

I can’t promise myself that because there’s a huge chance that after writing this, I’ll go lay down in bed. There’s a huge chance that I won’t make it to the store today, let alone clean my car and take photos. 

When you’re near the end of depression, what motivates you to start living again? I’m not struggling with Depressive thoughts at the moment, but the lack of energy is overpowering. Any tips?

-Liz

mental health

Today Is A Lazy Day, And That’s Okay

Today, I just don’t have the energy in me. I did my morning routine, but it just didn’t give me that kick in the ass that I needed. And that’s okay. 

I think I laid in bed for about 4 hours today. Not including the time spent watching Netflix. I just laid there and did nothing. Not because I was depressed, but because I just didn’t have the energy I needed. 

Normally, I’d beat myself up about this. Completely tear myself apart. And I know a lot of you would do the same. But I want to remind all of us, that it’s okay. Sometimes a lazy day is a part of self care. Sometimes we need it. 

However, now my neck hurts and my body aches from laying in bed too long. So, I’m outside drinking coffee trying to find some energy to get myself going today. I’ve got a lot that needs to be done, yay moving. 

What are some things that kick you in the ass and get you going? Seriously, looking for advice here!

-Liz

mental health

The Morning Routine That Helped Me Begin Recovery

I’ll be totally fucking honest with you, I did not want to do my morning routine today. And, I kinda don’t want to write this post, either. But, I’m making myself do them both because they’re good for me. 

It started out as an extremely simple routine and I just keep adding to it when I’m ready to. No need to push yourself to start a whole bunch of new things at once, that’s overwhelming. Trust me, I’ve tried. 


I started out as simply as I possibly could, a shower and brushing my teeth. 

As soon as I get back from dropping off my man at work, I have some coffee and then hop in the shower. I wash my face, my body (of course), I shave if I need to, wash my hair every couple of days, and I just stay mindful while I’m in the shower. I take a moment to lean against the wall and just let the water flow over me. I get out, dry off, and brush my teeth. 


Just yesterday I added the next step to my routine, doing my makeup. For you guys out there, it can be as simple as taking the time to do your hair or make yourself look good, whatever that means to you. 

I haven’t wanted to spend too much time doing my makeup yet, I’m slowly getting back into it. So, I do a full face, throw on a little eyeshadow, and a bright lip. I’m loving the MAC matte lipstick, it stays on and is super low maintenance. You don’t even have to touch up after you eat (most of the time)! 

Also, I’m not quite ready to put time into doing my hair just yet, so I put a part down the middle and call it a day. 


Then, I make sure I put on CLEAN clothes! I’m sure all of us get behind on laundry while we’re depressed. We’ve all grabbed the shirt out of the dirty clothes that didn’t smell and wore the same pants all week. I’ve been there. But clean clothes, they make us feel good, too. Today, I grabbed a light dress because it’s comfortable. Always dress for comfort until you’re ready to put the time into putting an outfit together. 


And the most important step, taking your medication. It’s so easy to “forget” to take your medication, especially when you start to feel better. You begin to feel as though you don’t need it. But, the reason you feel that way is because of the medication. Keep taking it, unless your doctor says otherwise. 

What’s your morning routine? How do you get yourself back into recovery?

-Liz