It’s In The Little Things


Usually when we think of self care we think of brushing our teeth, showering, and getting a good night’s rest or eating healthy. But when we’re depressed, those things can seem like way too much to handle. 

Well, self care is in the little things we do, too. It’s in the things that make us happier without even realizing it. The things that we take for granted often. You don’t have to go out of your way in order to take care of yourself. 

I challenge you to write down 10 self care things you’re doing without realizing it. Take a moment to think back on them, how does it feel to realize you actually are taking care of yourself? Be grateful. 

Here’s mine:

1. Drinking my coffee. 

Every morning, I sit outside and drink my coffee with my boyfriend. We don’t say much, we just look at Facebook and share funnt memes with each other. It’s a nice time when there is no pressure to do things or to talk. Just each other’s could company and a good cup of coffee.

I also usually spend my days drinking coffee, or at least taking coffee breaks throughout the day. It’s something I enjoy, sitting down to write or even just sitting down to enjoy the coffee.

2. Watching TV. 

I’ll be honest, I usually hate watching tv. Partially because I feel like I’m wasting time, partially because we don’t have cable and there’s never anything on. That is, unless I want to start watching Days of Our Lives and having something to talk to my mother about. But today, I sat down and watched travel shows with my boyfriend while we ate a couple snacks. It was a nice way to relax and gave us something to talk about. 

3. Naps. 

When I feel overwhelmed, the one thing I want to do is nap. It’s a great break from the world, and is required when you have depression and anxiety for some people. To just turn off the noise in our minds, it can help save us. 

4. Snacks. 

When I’m depressed, I don’t eat. So, it’s a great idea to keep little healthy snacks in the house. I sometimes go overboard and will eat the majority of the snacks in one sitting. However, that’s usually when they’re unhealthy ones. By keeping healthy snacks like popcorn (not movie theater popcorn) and salads I’m able to eat light and keep myself going. 

5. Friends. 

By this, I mean the tv show. It’s nice to check out of reality and enjoy the laughter of this show. It lifts my mood and helps me feel better. That’s about it, it’s one of my go to shows. The other being, Gilmore Girls.

6. Actual Friends. 

I’ll be honest here, I’ve lost a lot of friends recently. Between my isolation of depression and being consumed by a new relationship, I haven’t seen my friends lately. Also, quitting drinking probably had something to do with it, too. I love my friends, even the ones I no longer talk to, but the ones I do have make my days so much easier. I know I have friends in Tennessee that just want the best for me. I know I have a friend in California that will always be by my side. And I know I have my boyfriend’s sisters (who I considered my own sisters even before I met him) that will always pick me up when I’m down. Truly, my best friend in the world is one of my rocks. Without her, who knows where I’d be.

7. Thrift Stores.

I love thrift store shopping recently, mainly at Goodwill. Every other week they have half off days and I can get a shirt for like, $2. We’ve bought furniture and repainted them, we’ve bought little things here and there to make the apartment nice. It gives me something to do, and I love it. 

8. Therapy. 

Something that can start to seem routine, especially if you go often. But it’s nice to sit down and talk about how your life is going and get professional advice as to what to do next. My therapist is the best I’ve had, and he helps me to figure out what steps I should take to get back into life. Now, if only I’d listen to him every time. 

9. Writing. 

Getting my thoughts out and sharing them has made a huge impact on me. Normally, I’d keep everything bottled up. But lately, I’ve been sharing almost everything and it feels so good. I hate keeping journals because I’ll write things now and never read them again. But here, my thoughts and ideas have the power to help others and to inspire. And that means the world to me. 

10. Going To Church.

Something I haven’t done in months, but will begin again starting tomorrow. Church is a great place for inspiration for me. And I love it. I’ll be honest, I’m not always a fan of people you find at church. You know, the ones who like to pretend their lives are perfect. However, there are people there who are broken hearted sinners searching for hope, just like me. And those, those are my people. 

If you feel like it, share your 10 things in the comments! I’d love to know what you do for self care, and you might even inspire me or someone else to try something new! 

-Liz

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Dear Depression 


Oh, my sweet, dear depression. I must admit, there have been days when I have loved you more than myself. You’ve given me an excuse to lay down and do nothing, you’ve  given me reason to go out in my pajamas, you’ve helped me lose weight by taking away my appetite. 

Then, there are days I’ve hated you. You’ve tied me down so I couldn’t get up, you’ve weighed me down so it was hard to breathe, you’ve made me believe life is not worth living. 

The bad outweighs the good in our relationship. Having you around is like accepting yet another abusive, toxic person. I have no tolerance for that anymore. You try to turn myself into my own toxic person, and I’m through with being treated this way. 


You’ve watched me as I cut myself, you handed me the knife. You’ve watched me as I’ve cried out for help to an empty apartment. You’ve held me when I couldn’t get out of bed, you told me it was okay to spend an entire month there. 

I don’t want you around anymore. This is as hard for me as it is for you because this means I’m going to have to work at. Work to keep you away. I’m building up my walls to block you out, I’m ready for a battle. 


You don’t own me, you are not a part of me. I choose who I want to be and I do not want to be Depression. I am Elizabeth, and I am beautiful on the inside and out. 

You, my sweet, sweet depression, well, frankly, you can go back to hell. Right where you came from. 

-Liz

Positive Energy


When fighting mental illness, hell, even in just normal daily life, we face a lot of negativity. Like, a lot. Whether it’s your neighbors disrespectfully yelling at each other, or Trump being the president-elect, there’s negativity everywhere. 

The other night, I was sitting outside enjoying a night to myself. I was all sorts of inspired to write and do all kinds of cool things. And then, negativity found its way into my night. My neighbor was yelling at, what appears to be her now ex-boyfriend, to get out and “fuck you.” I didn’t want to let this negative energy seep into my night, but it did. It triggered some PTSD for me. I used to have similar fights with my ex-boyfriend. Only, he was the one yelling “fuck you.” Okay, okay, I said it a couple times too. We’re not all perfect. 

Thankfully, I’ve created some positivity within my own home. Mostly, there’s one corner in my living room that I’m slowly turning into kind of a meditation/yoga corner. It’s the corner I face when I’m doing yoga. And that night, I went inside and did some yoga. The positive energy of that space helped me overcome my PTSD and the anxiety that sometimes accompanies it. 


I am the worst, absolute worst at paying attention to detail. But, in a positive energy corner like mine, I’m practicing paying attention to detail. This means, making things pretty! At least for me. Now, I’m not saying we all need to go and create a yoga corner. But, why not create a space in your home or room to where you can just feel the positivity by looking at it? 

I chose this yoga mat long before I lived in this apartment. But, I chose it based on how it made me feel. And how cheap it was (thanks, Amazon). The design made me feel like it was a bit unique, not so dull like a solid colored mat. While I’d still love to have one a bit more unique, I’m happy with this for now. It’s all about how the things you look at make you feel inside. 


I also have this sign that says, “Good Vibes Only.” While I love the sayings I have on this, I can’t help but remember where it once used to hang. In my old house with my ex. It’s taken a lot of debate, but the fact it cost me $70 on one of my “I’m pissed at my boyfriend” shopping sprees, I decided to keep it. I accepted the fact that the reason I bought it was to have a huge reminder for my ex to just chill the fuck out. It has new meaning to me now, though. It reminds me to create good vibes, only allow good vibes. 


Another couple tips that are much more easily obtainable, essential oils, aroma therapy, and crystals! Okay, before you roll your eyes at me thinking, “God, she’s gone hippie on us,” let me explain. 

Essential oils are more commonly used today as ever before! And there’s a reason! Although, I have not yet found that reason. I wished I had realized that BEFORE I decided to spend over $100 on some oils. Anyway, they do smell good and I have noticed some effects. Like my favorite, frankincense and lemon. It helps me to remain focused and energized. Or, lavender, which helps soothe. 

Aroma therapy, I’ll admit I don’t know much about any of this shit. But what I do know are the certain smells that help me relax. For me, my favorite is Rose. But, more popularly, lavender is a good scent. That’s why this bottle of lotion in pictures above. It’s lavender scented and is such a great stress reliever for me. I like to incorporate it in my nighttime yoga, or rub some on my arms and shoulders after a yoga practice. Helps keep the calm longer. 

And lastly, crystals! Okay, stay with me here. Crystals are fucking pretty. That’s it, I love looking at them. Maybe you find Pokémon cards pretty to look at, put those in your positivity area! I don’t care! I don’t judge! For me, I used to collect rocks and crystals as a kid when I traveled. So, I continue that tradition when going certain places. I don’t believe in the “healing powers” of crystals, not to say it isn’t true. I have no idea. But what I do know? They bring back happy positive memories for me and I like them. They sparkle. 


You have got to know that I couldn’t end this post without mentioning coffee!! I love my coffee, it’s a part of my life. It makes me happy. Drink (or eat) things that make you happy. Whether it’s coffee, tea, hot coco, or Jack Daniels. Although, with everything (especially that whiskey) consume in moderation. Don’t drink Jack like I drink coffee!

I hope this helps to inspire you to create some positivity in your lives. How do you plan on creating positivity? It can be anything, I’m curious to know! Comment below my lovelies!

-Liz

I’m in Recovery, But I’m Still Depressed


Yesterday I was an emotional wreck because I skipped a dose of my antipsychotic. As much as I hated being in that place, I can now look back and see just how much I needed it to happen. I needed to be an emotional wreck, I needed to self harm again, and I needed to lay in my bed and have an unusually calm panic attack. I needed the reminder. 

I was in this thought of thinking that my depression was cured by my new medication. I hadn’t touched my self help books, I hadn’t made any effort to keep up my routine. I was still depressed, but not acknowledging it. And that is dangerous. 


Yesterday, I was reminded that it’s all still there. The desire to harm myself, the need to just cry, the loneliness is all still there. It’s been buried under my medication and ignored by my busy weekend. 

I’m in recovery, yet I’m still depressed. I may not feel the physical side effects of depression anymore, but I still need to be working on myself. I’m not all better just yet. 


I should have realized it by the fact that I sleep in so late, I sleep so long. And it takes me hours to convince myself to get up. Last night, I slept from 8pm until 10:30am. My alarm is set at 6am. Instead of turning it off, I dreamt it was a beeping sound in an airplane simulator game. Yeah, I’m that much of a nerd. 

The first sign of a Depressive Episode, at least a bad one, is sleeping a lot. I even took 2 naps yesterday. Maybe 3. I was ready for bed by 7pm. I had been ignoring this major indication that something is terribly wrong. I didn’t even walk my dog yesterday, now I’ve got a mess to clean up. 

Being depressed while on a medication that makes me not depressed is something new to work on. It’s uncharted territory for me. But I’m here, and I need to start exploring. 


I’m going to take it easy today, let myself gain some strength back up from yesterday. I might do a couple things around the house, but for the most part I will relax. Maybe do some creative things. 

I’ve ignored my bills, those need to be paid. I’ve ignored the clutter, that needs to be cleaned up. But first, I need to open my depression book and dive back into my recovery. I need to remember the only way to beat this is not only medication, but therapy and self care work. 

Take the time you need today to evaluate where you are. Write down things that are wrong, write down things that are right. Write down improvements you can make to those that are wrong. Seek help. Seek a listening ear. Seek love, comfort, and support. 

-Liz

Remember to be Gentle


I have been beating myself up since first thing this morning. Yesterday, I had such a good and productive day. Today, I woke up at 10am and didn’t feel like doing a damn thing. My whole body aches from how long I stayed in bed. My head is killing me and all I want to do is go back in there and curl back up under the covers. 

Thankfully, I do have things I need to get done today so, I won’t be lounging in the house throwing s pity party all day. I’ve got to pay my rent, go to a psychiatrist appointment, and maybe try and stop by a coffee shop for a bit. 


I’m worn out, and I’ve got to somehow find the courage to be okay with that. I did so much yesterday, I’m trying so hard to be proud of myself for it. It’s hard to acknowledge what you’ve accomplished while fighting depression. I feel like kicking myself for not doing the things I needed to today, yet while I do them I think to myself, “what’s the point?” 

When we have depression, anxiety, PTSD, ADD/ADHD, or whatever it may be, we need to not compare one day to another. We need to remember to be gentle with ourselves. One day we might have the strength to do what is needed of us, the next we may not have the same strength. And that’s okay. 

I made a list of 3 things I need to accomplish every day. However, I need to realize that it’s okay to adjust to each day. It’s not a set rule that my life will fall apart if I don’t do laundry today. I did enough yesterday that I can afford to put it off until tomorrow. So, maybe today I accomplish two things on my list. Maybe add a third from another day that I can easily do today. 


Life is about the ups and downs. No day is exactly the same as the one before. Remember when fighting, some days you need to save your strength for bigger battles in the future but, you will win. One day, the depression will go away. And that’s a promise I can believe in. 

-Liz

A Letter to My Depression

Dear Depression,

I wish I could say that it’s been nice having you around, again, but it’s not. Every time I make progress towards moving on without you, you come back. You don’t like it when I’m self-sufficient. You’re just like every other abusive person in my past, making me dependent on you. Well, I stopped taking the abuse from those people, and I’ll stop taking it from you, too. 

I let you in my head. I saw you coming from across the bar, and I let you slip in. You knew I was weak, I was in a bar and I wasn’t allowing myself to drink. You took your moment to strike, you succeeded.

You’ve become good friends with anxiety, so good of friends that you’ve learned how to make me believe I’m just a little anxious rather than me knowing you’re feeding me lies. You started by telling me that I should just keep my mouth shut or I’ll say something stupid. And when I did say something, you instantly told me I sounded like a stupid bitch. I let myself believe you.

The day after, you invited anxiety to join the party. You let me worry about what I had done the night before, I got 2 hours of sleep and you knew I was yet again vulnerable. I let you both in some more. I let you both sink your poisonous teeth into my mind again.

I spent my entire day Friday wondering what someone thought of me. I had no logical evidence to back up what you were saying to me, but I believed you anyway. I let you convince me that he didn’t truly care, that he’s going to leave me, that I ruined things. Then, you started to tell me how worthless I am. You began to remind me of all the hateful things people had done to me. You told me that I take too much effort, I’m not worth getting to know. I let you fill my head all day Friday. I let you fill my head again all day Saturday. And, I let you fill my head again on Sunday night, tonight. 

Well, I’ve got some news for you. I’m onto you. I know you’re here. I know you’re lying to me. I can tell which thoughts come from me and which come from you in the mocking voices of past abusers. I can hear a clear difference and I refuse to listen to you anymore. My mind is my mind.

I have a purpose, to be happy and to inspire. I have amazing qualities about myself that I love. I’m caring, thoughtful, loving, supportive, kind, intelligent, uplifting, and most importantly, I’m stronger than you. 

I will wake up tomorrow morning when my alarm clock goes off. I will get up, make my coffee, and take my fur baby for a walk. I will come back and continue to live my day. Tomorrow, I will be going to a coffee shop and you are not invited to join. I will be confident, loving of myself. I will not let you hold me back any longer. I’ve got a life to live and you can just get the fuck out of my way. 

Peace. 

-Liz

I’m not quite sure what I’m going to title this post. I’m torn between something about rediscovering myself and reinventing myself. I don’t want to say rediscover myself, because I’ve always been here. And I don’t want to say that I’m reinventing myself because no matter what, my main goal is to stay 100% true to myself. 


It’s time, however, for things to change. Change drastically. While I’m going to keep the parts of myself I love dearly and wouldn’t be me without, it’s time to let go of the things that have been holding me back. As I post about my recovery week, I will be preparing a post on the “new me.” If that’s what you want to call it. 

I’m going to share the steps I’ll be taking to get rid of the old, and allow the new to take place. I need to change habits I have set, ideas I have in my mind, and ways I express myself. 

I recently let go of a toxic person that I held an unhealthy attachment to. Anyone who has been abused will understand just how hard it is to let go of your abuser. They don’t mean it, they love me, they are just going through a difficult time. We all make the excuses because we don’t know how to live without the abuse. 

Once you finally let go of your abuser, you may feel lighter like I do. Or you may feel totally lost. I feel a little of both. A lot of times when this happens, we resort to abusing ourselves. Which I have done physically and mentally. I don’t want to let myself fall into a routine of outside abuse followed by internal abuse anymore. I’m standing up for myself and making the changes I need to. 


To begin, I’m going to focus on the outward things. I’m going to clean my apartment, get rid of anything that holds an unhealthy value to the past. 

After I clean my apartment of the negative energy, there goes my yoga hippie talk, I’m going to work on the inside of myself. Work on changing my inner dialogue to something more positive, work on letting go of the past and embracing what is now. I’m going to review and set goals. I’ll share all of these steps, the internal work as well as the outward work on here in the coming days. 

I hope this helps and inspires you to also move forward. 

-Liz

Life is One Crazy Ride.

  
As many of you may have noticed, it’s been quite a while since I’ve published anything new.  To update all of you, I had taken a leave of absence from school, as well as from other things.  I spent time getting to know myself again.  As of this past Tuesday, I began school again, was offered a new job, and began laying down a plot for the next chapter in my life.

 
 While I was on my leave from school, I spent time enjoying life.  I re-watched all 7 seasons of Gilmore Girls, made new friends, and visited old ones. The best thing to come out of my time off was a trip to California I took to visit the most important person in my life.  My best friend has always been there for me since kindergarten, she’s seen me at my worst and will be there when I’m at my best.  The connection we share is incredible and seeing her and her husband gave me the motivation I needed.  Also, visiting the town I’ve always called home brought me some peace.  There’s no reason to feel stuck, there’s no sense in being afraid of staying in a place that brings you pain.  I thank both of them so much for inviting me out to see them, I can’t wait to go back!

With positivity always comes some sort of negativity, as well.  It may be instant, it maybe around the corner, but it will be there.  A lot of times in life I’ve felt afraid to be happy because of this fact.  What I’ve learned is that, you can’t live in that fear.  The best thing you can do for yourself is remain confident and positive.  When that negativity shows up, remain strong.  For me, I find my strength in my faith in God as well as the many mantras I keep in my heart.  When I came back from my trip, I was forced with the task of having to move out of one of my best friend’s houses.  Her and her family had opened their house to me when I moved back to Arizona.  And as always, there comes a point when things come to an end.  I’ve temporarily moved back in with my parents, which is a challenge of its own.  In the past, losing a dear friend and living back in this house would tear me apart.  Admittedly, it took a couple days of binge watching Netflix to get back to life.  Also taking a couple mistakes to knock my ego back down a bit, however now I’m back stronger than ever.  I’ve learned to refuse to stay knocked down, I’ve gotten real good at building myself back up stronger.  With the help of God, family, and friends.

  
Words I choose to live by: Positive, Wild, and Wander.  We all get this one life, why should we spend it in misery?  Yes, shit happens.  You go out of your way for ungrateful people, you get disappointed, people get mean and spread lies.  No one is a perfect human being, if we could all stop blaming each other for our own imperfections, life would be much more enjoyable.  By all means, cry it out.  Take an hour, or a day to accept the fact that you have emotions and they need to be respected.  However, stay positive.  Life continues on and it’s much easier to continue with it, than it is to try and pause it.  

Be Wild!  Don’t take life so damn seriously!  Cuss a little, (responsibily) drink a little too much every now and then, (legally) get a little stoned.  When life gets sad, crack a joke!  The other people in your class get into an inappropriate conversation, sit back and laugh.  That d*ck joke your friend just made?  Admit that it’s funny and laugh your ass off! Come on, we all know talking about d*cks is hilarious. Bring out Cards Against Humanity and let yourself enjoy making fun of this ridiculous world.  For those of you who prefer a more subtle way of being wild, drink too much coffee and spend all freakin’ day reading a book!  There is no day wasted when you spend it going on an adventure.

Don’t forget to Wander.  In my book, a road trip is never a waste.  There’s always something new to discover.  Even if the plans you made don’t work out once you get there, make the best of it.  Jam out to some music, have a conversation with God, call someone you miss.  My favorite memories from this life are all from traveling.  Whether I got on a plane and flew to another continent, or I drove 5 minutes down the road to the river, it was all an adventure.  Hell, sometimes just going to Walmart is an adventure all in its own! Be sure to see things in this life, talk to strangers, be a light in this crazy world. 

  
Before you move forward, sometimes you need to look back.  Always remember what made you who you are.  In the photo above, I was able to go back to my favorite place in the whole world.  My home.  When I was little, my dad was stationed in San Diego.  I will forever be a California Girl.  That bridge you see in the background was “my bridge.”  It’s my fondest memory of driving with my mom to pick up my dad.  I was such a sweet and loving little girl, excited about everything.  I constantly strive to unapologetically bring some of that personality back to who I am today.  In order to move forward with who I want to become, I need to remain true to myself.

  
Lastly, I took confidence away from my break.  Not only in looks, but personality as well.  Instead of focusing on the negative, I focus on the things I like.  Accepting that I will never be perfect in my eyes, but am already perfect in the eyes of God and those who truly love me.  I may have a bad habit of smoking cigarettes, my makeup may not last all day, and that’s okay.  I’m socially awkward, I do things without thinking them through, and I say things at the wrong time.  Usually saying them way too loudly.  I tend to over explain myself, but you know what?  That’s who I am.  I don’t play games, I say what’s in my heart.  I care about people who have hurt me and I tend to take years to truly forgive myself for hurting people.  I make no sense, I love working in a customer service environment, yet I am a complete introvert.  Life is just one big book you’re constantly writing.  With chapters small and big.  Pages full of sadness and joy.  Don’t be too hard on yourself, take the time you need for self care. 

I’m excited to get back to sharing inspiration, love, and adventure! My new posting schedule will be, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  Please be patient as I try to create this new routine.  I love you all very much and thank you for everything you do!

Namaste. 

Xoxo,

Liz